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Musings

The World Needs More Servant-Leaders

Photo by Diana u2728 on Pexels.com

I like watching documentaries, and I came across one yesterday that made me think about leadership. I watched Shipwrecked: Nightmare at Sea.

It’s hard to imagine a shipwreck as huge as this still happening in our time. The documentary showed details about Costa Concordia’s shipwreck in 2012. I wanted to know its scale compared to Titanic. A quick Google search shows that 2,200+ were onboard Titanic, while 4,200+ were onboard the Costa Concordia.

What stood out to me were the two different responses of the people who had leadership roles on that ship. One was the Captain, Francesco Schettino, and the other one was the ship’s hotel director, Manrico Giampedroni.

According to a voice recording of the captain and the coast guard, he initially downplayed the severity of the ship’s condition, delaying the commencement of rescue operations for the passengers. The same captain eventually abandoned ship, leaving hundreds of passengers without any direction on how to proceed.

In contrast, the hotel director stayed behind to help lead people out of the sinking ship. He was the last living survivor rescued from the ship 36 hours after it sank. There are legal technicalities to their sentencing, but their actions displayed the situation with the world’s leaders today. The hotel director chose to stay to the point of being on the verge of death, while the captain left, adamant he wouldn’t come back, despite the coastguard’s order for him to come back to the ship.

Whether in small or large-scale situations, positions of power are always sought after. People see the glamour with people on top, but not the seriousness of the responsibility it entails.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Power is attractive. Responsibility is not. Responsibility requires sacrifice, thinking of others apart from self, considering the good of many, and being accountable for the results of decisions and actions.

I have heard of the term servant leadership in university. It is putting the team ahead of your personal needs, as opposed to being served by subordinates. It considers what’s best for the people they lead, even if it may sometimes be disadvantageous to them personally.

I sometimes feel a specific type of dread these days when reading about world news. However, it’s good to know that although rare, some leaders still choose the path of servant leadership. How can you be a servant-leader in your circle, small or large, today?

25 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Matthew 20:25-28

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Family

Teachers Who Care

Raphael has been going to swim classes since he was four months old. Since then, he has progressed and gained confidence in the water. Before he got into kindergarten, his swim classes were where he met his first teachers.

One of the teachers he’s had exponential progress with is Kat from Dash Swim School. She was very personal with him. Raphael was comfortable and engaged during her classes because she is firm and clear with the kids, yet she gave them opportunities to just be. We were hoping she would be able to move him to the next level this term, but unfortunately for us, she was moved to another age group.

Still, we see her observing his progress from time to time. She was there a couple of weeks ago when Raphael was assessed but did not pass to move up. She knew, though, that Raphael was close to being ready. Little did I know that she had a chat with Raphael’s current teacher to give her some pointers on the things she needs to focus on with him. We saw how his new teacher took on the advice because he did improve in a matter of sessions, where he was then reassessed and successfully moved up to the Little Orca level!

After my swim today, I came across her because the swim teachers are usually there during school holidays. We had a chat about Raphael, and I thanked her for all her efforts to bring him to the next stage of his swimming journey. She told me she was the one who nudged the other teacher to reassess Raphael before the term ended.

It amazes me when I come across people who do above and beyond what’s expected of them. The care and thought she has for my son is rare, and I truly appreciate it. I feel blessed to be surrounded by people who care about my son because growing up, I did not experience it as much as I see it firsthand in my son’s life today. It’s not so much about him moving up, but it fills my heart to know that we have a village out there helping us shape our son so he can be the best version of himself he can be. To the teachers who love and care for our little ones, thank you.

Categories
Art Practice Musings

Love, Assured

My life has been steady since I got married. Some days, I have greater appreciation than others.

What prompted me to write this today is my recent experience with a project I started. I am currently doing a mural for my son’s kindy. I am free to choose my surface so I can work anywhere I prefer. I chose to use perspex sheets and have found a supplier at Lower Hutt.

I’d like to believe I work well with numbers, but it’s hit-and-miss for me with physical things. Turns out, the sheets I ordered were way too large for my studio and me to deal with.

Howell’s first reaction when it was delivered was that he offered to tidy up my space so I can work more comfortably in the studio. His reaction has taken me aback since it would have been way different at the start of our marriage. I was expecting a sort of interrogation of my thought process while I was ordering it and why I ordered such a huge surface, which my current workspace cannot really accommodate.

Later that day, I talked to him and acknowledged his response. I appreciated how loving it was. He explained to me that yes, his response would have been different if we were not in a committed relationship. But since he has decided he will stay with me till death do us part, there is no other route but to choose what’s best for me at that point instead of choosing to argue.

I appreciate that very much. I appreciate that we have love that wouldn’t leave me second-guessing. I appreciate that this love welcomes mistakes. This love is rarely about grand gestures, but a consistent, daily choice to show up, understand, and work things out.

In the end, had to bring the sheet back to the supplier and ask him to cut it into smaller pieces. Even I was annoyed with myself, not realising how that scale would have made things very difficult for me. But being shown this kind of love, even I can forgive and embrace myself for my mistakes.

We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

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Art Practice Uncategorized

Physicality in Artmaking

I like taking note of things as I learn them. One of the new things I found is how physical artmaking can be!

My usual paintings sit under a metre in size. However, I was recently commissioned into a project four times larger than my usual artworks. I will be doing it on perspex sheets, which is also another first!

Yesterday, I had a two-metre perspex sheet cut into smaller pieces, so I hauled it to the vendor I initially ordered the sheets from. I then prepared the sheets I am going to use with a plastic primer and clear gesso on top.

As a 156cm long woman, I had to find a spot outside of our home to get this done. I was surprised how scale can change the way I work and engage with materials. I had to stretch my arms and legs more than my typical process. In between these steps, I had to check my blood sugar as it came crashing to dangerously low levels at some points during the day.

I have seen large-scale paintings from other artists in the past and now I am wondering how they ever get those done!

This is quite a new experience for me, and I am excited to complete this project. It’s amazing to find out that artmaking engages my mind, senses, emotions, and physicality. I feel more alive than ever now that my art practice has reached a certain level of consistency. More updates on this project to come!

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Art Practice Family

Shifting Routines as an Artist Mum

I have always told myself that if I were going to have a child, I would continue to pursue a career I want. In my head, it was easy. I liked tackling different things at the same time. I thought that managing projects and personal life as a childless person was the same as managing a career, a household, and a growing child — how bold my thoughts were!

Rapha is now doing 4 days a week at kindy, and I initially thought it was a good change. I will have more time. It’s more advantageous for me since it’s one more day I can do things independently. I forgot to factor in that I am a person of routine! As a creative person, it is difficult for me to just sit down and produce creative things on a whim. I need a lot of mental preparation to figure out what needs to get done for the day.

I used to swim, walk, do errands, and work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and it was a good setup since I had quiet days with Rapha in between. Rapha’s new kindy days are from Mondays to Thursdays since it establishes more stable expectations of the days’ activities for him.

This means that I will have to squeeze in my previous tasks into four consecutive days, without my usual breathing space in between! Now, I am scrambling because I did not anticipate how tired I would be if I kept that routine at that pace! It has been a month, and I am still trying variations of my workflow to suit my mental and physical capacity. I thrive in structure and routine because if I do not organise it, my mind goes places and I engage in tasks that bring me farther from my goal.

The thing I have learnt here is that life with a child is so exciting haha! It stretches me, and it teaches me to bend enough to make space for both of us to thrive. It is amazing what kinds of adjustments parents make to balance family life and their personal goals.

This might be a late appreciation post for mothers, but I have mad respect for all mothers out there, just trying, stretching, balancing, and loving, to make sure their families and children thrive! May God bless the works of your hands, and may relaxation come at some point 🙂

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Musings Settling in NZ Uncategorized

The Joys and Pains of Coming Home: A Filipino Migrant’s Tale

My husband and I landed in New Zealand in late 2016. We were initially looking at staying here for five years to earn enough money as a jumpstart to our life back in the Philippines. Since then, we have only come back once in 2018, during the wedding of one of my closest friends from university. The dream of coming back home after five years was crushed by Covid and the contrast of living back home and staying here. We are all, including my son, New Zealand citizens now.

I used to wonder why my in-laws took ten years before they were able to come back to the Philippines after moving here in NZ. It is when I stayed here that I understood it more fully. Almost all the bills and even wage payments here arrive on a fortnightly basis. If you are either renting or paying a mortgage, the expenses never pause even when you are on a holiday.

Some of my friends here are still able to visit the Philippines once in a while, but because of several decisions we’ve made as a family, we are just unable to visit again at this time.

Distance has separated me from the people I have the deepest relationships with. I have missed my sister’s wedding, the birth of her first child, the weddings of my closest friends and the birth of their children, the passing away of the important people in my friends’ lives, them meeting their partners, them establishing careers, and all the “adult” milestones I can think of.

Recently, one of my closest friend’s dad passed away. The event triggered one of the most frustrating things I have continuously experienced since coming here—not having the ability to be present. This friend of mine has witnessed most of the highs and lows of my life as a young adult. Being so far away, the only thing I can do was message him on Facebook. There’s not much I can do. I did not want to disturb him with a call since there are more pressing items he needed to attend to. It was so frustrating having online chats to be the only way to connect to him. If I were back home, I’d probably be instantly knocking at his home, bringing snacks and ice cream, and just sitting silently by his side, as I usually do with my friends who go through tough life moments.

Or maybe I am romanticising the idea of presence in my head. When I left home, we did not have a child yet. My friends did not have as much responsibilities as they have now. Maybe I won’t be as available had I stayed. Still, I find it disheartening only having a screen as a means to connect with people I care about. I miss the banters only face-to-face interactions can bring. I miss just. being. present.

I have kept in contact with my closest friends. I have lost some along the way. Thank God for social media because I can see how their lives are going! Still, if you have once called me a friend, drop me a DM. I do miss conversations in my native language. I do miss the banters. I do miss the stories. I do miss the relationships…

And hey, maybe I cannot visit for now, but maybe you can plan a holiday to NZ! And maybe, just for an afternoon, a coffee to catch up with an old friend…

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Family Musings Uncategorized

Just Another Monday

We had a busy weekend last week. Coming into Monday, I knew things will get hectic since Rapha is coming to kindy and it’s the start of Howell’s work week.

Unsurprisingly, Rapha woke up in a state of complete meltdown this morning. There are no other issues except that he woke up hahahaahhahaha!

It’s a good thing we came in equipped with tools that Rapha’s kindy taught us. We went to two parenting workshops which focused on self-regulation and relationship-building with children through play.

I stayed with him, fully present and calm. There was no shouting or heightened emotions like I was used to. After the longest fifteen minutes of my life, he came around and got ready for kindy like nothing happened.

Made me look back at my childhood and most of my friends’ upbringing, too. Information about child development and parenting were not as available then. These types of information would have saved a lot of us from grief and trauma some of us had to go through.

Going through and following through with the action steps we were recommended with has been very healing to my inner child. If only I was parented this way, I would sometimes think…

Still, I find myself grateful for the kind of support we are receiving for us to be better parents to our own child. There is hope for the future – and I am so glad to have the opportunity to help shape it by being a better parent today. Parenting has been taking a lot of time, effort, emotions, and prayers from me, but I wouldn’t do it any other way…

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Musings

God Meets Us Where We Are

People who have known me for a long time will probably describe me as extroverted. I liked socialising and getting to know people.

However, since we moved to NZ, things have been different. I’m not really sure if it’s the culture, or my age, or if it’s just a growing trend across the world, but I have found it so difficult to make friends now.

I have heard people tell me to just go out there and find my people, but I have found that no matter where I went, my people were nowhere to be found. I have found people, but they always seemed too busy dealing with their own thing.

…And I am pretty sure I am making so many excuses to justify my comfort in isolation.

It has been difficult for me to be vulnerable around people. I have, in recent years, had my trust betrayed by people whom I have let into my heart and my home. It’s a shame that even though I am now surrounded by well-meaning people, I still hesitate opening up and fully letting them in because of this past experience.

But God knows how to meet me where I am…

I still like connections. I like hearing stories of how people live, of how everyone normally goes about their daily lives, and of their adventures. I love hearing how common my emotions and my experiences are.

The past few days, God has been granting me those connections.

My relationship with my in-laws is flourishing, and I love that I have them living near us. There will always be someone we can ask for assistance, recommendations, or food! They are fabulous cooks!

Yesterday, I was able to speak to a few women at church and catch up with how they are doing. I am not great at group settings, and so having the opportunity to speak with people on a one-on-one basis really helps me break some walls around me.

This afternoon, I came across my husband’s workmate/his boss’s wife in the supermarket, and my short conversation with her was so refreshing to me. There was nothing groundbreaking about our conversation, but just catching up with her and hearing their recent adventures brightens my day.

One surprising place I found connection is my group in art school. We meet online once a week and share what we are up to. We’re all ladies in the group, and it’s just so amazing how I am energised by these meetings. It does help that we are all passionate about art, but most of them are mothers, too. It encourages me so much every single time I hear stories from them about how they do life, art, and motherhood. I love hearing their perspective on things related to art and life.

I have been hiding in my shell for quite a while now, and I can’t seem to have the courage to fully venture out into the world of normal human connections, but God met me where I am.

He has been showing me, little by little, that I can trust again. I am slowly seeing that people do care. I may not have the same depth of relationships that I had back home, but I am stepping in the right direction. I can not force relationships, but I can make myself available for small conversations, maybe even friendships.

In the small and big things, I am glad that God meets me where I am. I am glad I do not need to go so far for God’s hand to reach me. He puts people around me to show His love for me. God has been mending my heart, my memories, and my relationships. Soon, maybe not too soon, I will learn to trust again…

Categories
Musings

Growing Around Grief

Image by Silvia from Pixabay

Grief doesn’t go away; you grow around it.

I came across this statement a couple of years ago while processing my grief around the loss of my dad, and it has stuck with me since.

Last week was my dad’s 18th death anniversary, and I couldn’t help but remember the statement above. I still remember everything as if it happened just yesterday. That day, I prayed and opened my Bible as I waited for news about my dad while my mother and my sister rushed him to the hospital.

It had already been a tough time for us back then and my dad’s passing, I felt, was an unnecessary blow to my family. As I read my Bible that day, this reading from Psalms stood out to me:

Psalm 126

1 When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
    we were like those who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.”
3 The Lord has done great things for us,
    and we are filled with joy.

4 Restore our fortunes, Lord,
    like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow with tears
    will reap with songs of joy.
6 Those who go out weeping,
    carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
    carrying sheaves with them.

In one of my darkest moments, God has promised me good things. He promised me joy. It’s only in hindsight that I see God has been good to us even in the worst of times.

I told my sister that this year marks the amount of time I had with my dad was the same amount of time I have spent without him. Truly, I have grown around grief. There have been so many trials, joys, sadness, and victories I have had since he passed, and I am sure we’ll have heaps of time to talk about those in eternity. The in-between seems the hardest for me, even until now. I still long to speak to him, to be reassured by him, to even just hear his terrible dad jokes.

The good news is you grow around grief. Life does go on. In moments when grief visits me, I welcome it. These days remind me how God has been so faithful in my life. Indeed, I have reaped songs of joy as the Lord promised.

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Art Practice Family

Gardening and a Short Break from Making My Own Art

I have a pattern in my creative life where I am extremely productive and highly creative, then get to a dormant season where even though I continue creating, I do get a bit unproductive and then head to a phase where to reignite my creativity, I learn something new, and then head on to a new project reenergised and in full blast.

I am so close to the new project phase now but my dormant phase has been very interesting.

In my last dormant phase, I learnt how to make sourdough and have been making it since. We rarely buy store-bought bread now.

This time, I learnt two things: sumi-e ink painting and gardening.

Sumi-e Ink Painting

With the sumi-e ink, I was guided by a book I purchased ages ago. It’s called The Art of Sumi-E by Naomi Okamoto. I liked it because the method of learning is by copying the paintings presented in the book. I didn’t have to think hard and create when my creative juices were running dry. I just had to learn by copying.

The three things I loved were:

  • You get to create complete artworks with a few strokes. It works well with the way I work.
  • It is meditative. Since every stroke matters, I was able to be present while creating. My mind wasn’t racing to be elsewhere while I was doing it.
  • The paintings do not need grounding. It uses negative space to suggest a background to each painting. I love it because backgrounds are honestly my weakness. I hyper-focus on a subject, and rarely do I think about backgrounds when completing a painting.

Below are some of my favourites.

For a few months, I have only been doing these exercises, and it got me prepared to dive back in to my own practice again.

Gardening

The other thing I have learnt is gardening. People close to me know how awful I am with gardening. Even the hardiest plants wilt in my care. I’m unsure why I gave it another chance this time.

To soften the blow, I started planting herbs from seeds. This way, the initial expenses are not that much and I can just plant the seeds I have over and over until I get it right.

When my spring onions, chives, and mini leeks grew, I became bolder, and I tried to grow napa cabbage and tomatoes—both seeds randomly chosen by my husband because he was the one who encouraged me to do this to start with. I cannot remember why he encouraged me, but he might have some regrets now that we have a full-blown vege garden in our backyard.

At the time of writing, we now have a herb garden, a mandarin shrub, and a kalanchoe on our deck. In our backyard, we have a lemon tree, 2 avocado trees, coffee tree, lavender, tomatoes, kangkong, kumara, garlic, onion, ginger, spinach, lettuce, blueberries, strawberries, snake beans, and eggplant, which are all on raised beds and pots. I am awaiting about 15 more seedlings for planting in autumn and I plan to set up an apple and feijoa tree in winter and olive and fig tree in the summer.

Plants on Deck
Backyard

Being the kind of person I am, the drive to plant edibles is strong because I like seeing actual fruits (or vegetables) with my efforts. I have nothing against people who grow ornamental plants, but being the person I am, there is just less drive for me to go for “aesthetics”, as seen in my current garden setup. Today, I saw two blueberries on my plant, and what joy to see it!

There were some mistakes that were just straight-out hilarious. The first batch of tomatoes I’ve grown wilted after a few consecutive days of rain, so when another type of plant sprung to replace it, I felt hopeful! Little did I know that I was nurturing…. weeds!!! Of course, my thoughtful husband did not fail to “document” it.

I have a vision for both our front and backyard, but I didn’t realise how expensive this endeavour can be! I decided to use raised garden beds and pots because the weeds on our property are a pain, and we haven’t got it in control yet. I wanted to give my plants some fighting chance by creating a more controlled environment for them. For now, I will build on my garden one step at a time., but this have proven to be a very therapeutic activity for me.

These days, I have been enjoying activities that slow me down. I am amazed at how much more aware I become when I slow down. I get to appreciate my surroundings and find blessings in even the most mundane things more.

What’s more amazing is how this one hobby has got everyone in our family involved. Howell would be as excited as I am to see new leaves or sprouts each day. Rapha helps me water the plants. He has his own watering can and garden gloves, too. He would often encourage each plant by saying, “grow, kangkong, grow!” or “give us heaps of fruits, mandarin!”. And Milo being Milo would snack on the sheep pellets and mulch. He will usually “guard” me while doing gardening, following me around wherever I go.

I am excited with what these new experiences will bring. I’m looking forward to sketching the flowers and leaves in my garden. I am buzzing with ideas these days. Life is good and I am ready to jump into creating my own art again soon!