I like taking note of things as I learn them. One of the new things I found is how physical artmaking can be!
My usual paintings sit under a metre in size. However, I was recently commissioned into a project four times larger than my usual artworks. I will be doing it on perspex sheets, which is also another first!
Yesterday, I had a two-metre perspex sheet cut into smaller pieces, so I hauled it to the vendor I initially ordered the sheets from. I then prepared the sheets I am going to use with a plastic primer and clear gesso on top.
As a 156cm long woman, I had to find a spot outside of our home to get this done. I was surprised how scale can change the way I work and engage with materials. I had to stretch my arms and legs more than my typical process. In between these steps, I had to check my blood sugar as it came crashing to dangerously low levels at some points during the day.
I have seen large-scale paintings from other artists in the past and now I am wondering how they ever get those done!
This is quite a new experience for me, and I am excited to complete this project. It’s amazing to find out that artmaking engages my mind, senses, emotions, and physicality. I feel more alive than ever now that my art practice has reached a certain level of consistency. More updates on this project to come!
I have always told myself that if I were going to have a child, I would continue to pursue a career I want. In my head, it was easy. I liked tackling different things at the same time. I thought that managing projects and personal life as a childless person was the same as managing a career, a household, and a growing child — how bold my thoughts were!
Rapha is now doing 4 days a week at kindy, and I initially thought it was a good change. I will have more time. It’s more advantageous for me since it’s one more day I can do things independently. I forgot to factor in that I am a person of routine! As a creative person, it is difficult for me to just sit down and produce creative things on a whim. I need a lot of mental preparation to figure out what needs to get done for the day.
I used to swim, walk, do errands, and work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and it was a good setup since I had quiet days with Rapha in between. Rapha’s new kindy days are from Mondays to Thursdays since it establishes more stable expectations of the days’ activities for him.
This means that I will have to squeeze in my previous tasks into four consecutive days, without my usual breathing space in between! Now, I am scrambling because I did not anticipate how tired I would be if I kept that routine at that pace! It has been a month, and I am still trying variations of my workflow to suit my mental and physical capacity. I thrive in structure and routine because if I do not organise it, my mind goes places and I engage in tasks that bring me farther from my goal.
The thing I have learnt here is that life with a child is so exciting haha! It stretches me, and it teaches me to bend enough to make space for both of us to thrive. It is amazing what kinds of adjustments parents make to balance family life and their personal goals.
This might be a late appreciation post for mothers, but I have mad respect for all mothers out there, just trying, stretching, balancing, and loving, to make sure their families and children thrive! May God bless the works of your hands, and may relaxation come at some point 🙂
I have a pattern in my creative life where I am extremely productive and highly creative, then get to a dormant season where even though I continue creating, I do get a bit unproductive and then head to a phase where to reignite my creativity, I learn something new, and then head on to a new project reenergised and in full blast.
I am so close to the new project phase now but my dormant phase has been very interesting.
In my last dormant phase, I learnt how to make sourdough and have been making it since. We rarely buy store-bought bread now.
This time, I learnt two things: sumi-e ink painting and gardening.
Sumi-e Ink Painting
With the sumi-e ink, I was guided by a book I purchased ages ago. It’s called The Art of Sumi-E by Naomi Okamoto. I liked it because the method of learning is by copying the paintings presented in the book. I didn’t have to think hard and create when my creative juices were running dry. I just had to learn by copying.
The three things I loved were:
You get to create complete artworks with a few strokes. It works well with the way I work.
It is meditative. Since every stroke matters, I was able to be present while creating. My mind wasn’t racing to be elsewhere while I was doing it.
The paintings do not need grounding. It uses negative space to suggest a background to each painting. I love it because backgrounds are honestly my weakness. I hyper-focus on a subject, and rarely do I think about backgrounds when completing a painting.
Below are some of my favourites.
For a few months, I have only been doing these exercises, and it got me prepared to dive back in to my own practice again.
Gardening
The other thing I have learnt is gardening. People close to me know how awful I am with gardening. Even the hardiest plants wilt in my care. I’m unsure why I gave it another chance this time.
To soften the blow, I started planting herbs from seeds. This way, the initial expenses are not that much and I can just plant the seeds I have over and over until I get it right.
When my spring onions, chives, and mini leeks grew, I became bolder, and I tried to grow napa cabbage and tomatoes—both seeds randomly chosen by my husband because he was the one who encouraged me to do this to start with. I cannot remember why he encouraged me, but he might have some regrets now that we have a full-blown vege garden in our backyard.
At the time of writing, we now have a herb garden, a mandarin shrub, and a kalanchoe on our deck. In our backyard, we have a lemon tree, 2 avocado trees, coffee tree, lavender, tomatoes, kangkong, kumara, garlic, onion, ginger, spinach, lettuce, blueberries, strawberries, snake beans, and eggplant, which are all on raised beds and pots. I am awaiting about 15 more seedlings for planting in autumn and I plan to set up an apple and feijoa tree in winter and olive and fig tree in the summer.
Plants on Deck
Backyard
Being the kind of person I am, the drive to plant edibles is strong because I like seeing actual fruits (or vegetables) with my efforts. I have nothing against people who grow ornamental plants, but being the person I am, there is just less drive for me to go for “aesthetics”, as seen in my current garden setup. Today, I saw two blueberries on my plant, and what joy to see it!
There were some mistakes that were just straight-out hilarious. The first batch of tomatoes I’ve grown wilted after a few consecutive days of rain, so when another type of plant sprung to replace it, I felt hopeful! Little did I know that I was nurturing…. weeds!!! Of course, my thoughtful husband did not fail to “document” it.
I have a vision for both our front and backyard, but I didn’t realise how expensive this endeavour can be! I decided to use raised garden beds and pots because the weeds on our property are a pain, and we haven’t got it in control yet. I wanted to give my plants some fighting chance by creating a more controlled environment for them. For now, I will build on my garden one step at a time., but this have proven to be a very therapeutic activity for me.
These days, I have been enjoying activities that slow me down. I am amazed at how much more aware I become when I slow down. I get to appreciate my surroundings and find blessings in even the most mundane things more.
What’s more amazing is how this one hobby has got everyone in our family involved. Howell would be as excited as I am to see new leaves or sprouts each day. Rapha helps me water the plants. He has his own watering can and garden gloves, too. He would often encourage each plant by saying, “grow, kangkong, grow!” or “give us heaps of fruits, mandarin!”. And Milo being Milo would snack on the sheep pellets and mulch. He will usually “guard” me while doing gardening, following me around wherever I go.
I am excited with what these new experiences will bring. I’m looking forward to sketching the flowers and leaves in my garden. I am buzzing with ideas these days. Life is good and I am ready to jump into creating my own art again soon!
This week, I was planning to post on how excited I was that I’m going back to doing onsite classes at The Learning Connexion… until I had to decide to forego this opportunity after coming to a single day of class. It was a wonderful class with Justine Turnbull as tutor. Above is the photo of my artwork exploring tones.
My current week includes
preparing Rapha for kindy MWF
kindy drop-offs and pick-up
weekly distance learning meeting
committee meeting at Mana Arts (approx. once a month)
kids ministry (one Sunday every 3 weeks)
swimming 3x a week
daily Pilates
art practice
1 weekly art group
house chores
Silly me thought I could squeeze one more thing since it’s only a day’s worth a week. Little did I know that that entails preparing the night before—my stuff for school, Rapha and I’s lunch boxes, Rapha’s stuff for after-school care, thanks to my in-laws. That meant 2 days are spent just for me to get to that class alone—that’s 2 days’ worth of time, energy, and petrol! Hahaha.
I instantly experienced the aftermath of this week. Come Wednesday, I just lay flat off the sofa when I came home. Thursday, I was straight-out forgetting things and making heaps of errors, including driving. Friday was a tough one because I was snapping at everyone for the littlest things. It was a hard decision, but you just can’t have it all… at once! There is a time and season for everything. At this stage, I want to be 100% present to all my commitments, especially to my family.
Today, Saturday, we decided to do things that bring us joy. After Rapha’s swimming class, we headed to a pick-your-own blueberry farm and did a short walk at Percy Regional Park. It was a good reset from the grueling week we had.
I am so glad that, as humans, we are given the choice to let go sometimes. I am also surrounded by a loving village helping us raise our son.
I will still pursue onsite classes at some point… just not today.
I love my sketches for Days 4 and 5. I’m trying out lines and how they can be applied to express effects I want done. I loved how cosy my dog looked in my Day 5 sketch.
Days 2 and 3 drawings – I had fun adding in the bubbles on Rapha’s bottle. The plate drawing was a bit tight for my liking. So excited for what I can get done in the coming days!
I watched a video from an NZ Artist named Rhiannon James about the things she learnt from drawing for a hundred days (https://youtu.be/BYzP2I3yXCQ?si=s5bc0aK8wlgLdnst) and got interested. It wasn’t the typical challenge where internet people are involved. She just did the challenge by herself.
After having spent almost a month doing admin things like framing, completing and sending entry forms, and liaising with different people for shows I wanted to get into, I felt really lost and rusty once I went back to the studio to paint and draw. I do not know what I want to create. I know I want to create something, but I feel like I am running on empty.
And so I was inspired to do this challenge myself, too. I do not know if I will ever get to reach 100 days, but I have prepared 16 sheets of small toned papers I can draw on for now. I have commitment issues in almost all areas of my life and have found that I need to take baby steps before committing to anything, so for now, I am starting with 16 days of drawing.
Day 1: Drawing #1
This is how uninspired I am at the moment. I picked up this almost finished banana and drew it. The composition and perspective are off. I did not like it. However, I liked the concentration I had while drawing this. It was simple and small. I easily accomplished one. I hope to use this blog to record the whole experience so we’ll see where this goes!
Many of our family’s milestones since we arrived in New Zealand usually happen over the spring season. Someone once told me that spring always brings new life. I did not understand it then, but as the years went by, I eventually understood. Animals are born in spring. New leaves bud in spring. Signs of new beginnings are made more visible in spring.
This gets me excited for this specific season as it comes each year. This year, though, I wasn’t expecting a lot because I felt like I had everything I wanted and needed. Little did I know that one of my recent prayer intentions and persistent worries will come to an end as spring season starts! Rapha is finally offered a spot in kindy!!! An amazing answered prayer!
We were initially contacted by the kindy for a visit because Rapha was nearing the top of their waitlist. We set a date for the visit and went. During our visit, Rapha, once we were on the premises, let go of my hand and dove right in with the other kids to play. I couldn’t peel him off the place once I was done with the visit. One of the teachers and some of the kids had to help me so we could end our visit that day. I knew at that moment, he’s ready for this next adventure.
Once we got home, we immediately received an offer of a spot at that kindy for next term. We were offered a three-day week to start, which was exactly what we wanted. God is good! Another thing crossed off my ticklist!
I am now in the process of preparing things that Rapha will need… and of course, planning what to do with all that free time! I have a wishlist of things I want done, but I will need to manage the time and my expectations at the same time. At the top of my list is my art practice and my swimming sessions—it’s all so exciting! This is such a welcomed spring surprise!
As I picture Rapha being dropped off on his first day, I know he will be fine. I am confident of his growing independence. It won’t be him who cries, I’m 100% sure!
All my life, I have been used to recount bad days. It comes easy to me because I can easily make fun of my own misery. These days, however, I find myself becoming more aware of the good days.
In the past week, there have been several occasions where I just knew I was at the right place and the right time. As a change of pace, let me recount the ways God has been good to me.
Rapha has been doing swim classes since he was four months old. Since then, he has gained a lot of confidence in the water. He’s currently doing a level with kids his age but since he has been on the same level for quite a while now, he’s already getting bored of the routine. For his last class, they decided to promote him to the next level! This means he’ll get a more stimulating set of tasks he can sink his teeth into, and that excites me as a mum!
Apart from his swim classes, he only does Kindy Gym once a week, too, which leaves most of his days at home. Being a curious child, Rapha gets bored out of his mind some days. We have been waitlisted at the kindy near our place since he’s 1, but spots haven’t freed up yet. One mum from church mentioned to me that she’s been taking her son to playcentre now and it got me interested. She invited me to the playcentre where they go but I found the drive tiresome, so we went to the one closer to our home.
We just visited playcentre last week, but as soon as we went home, I enrolled Rapha immediately. He had a great day and the mums were very welcoming. It works for both Rapha and me because he gets to learn and socialise while I get to have adult conversations, which have become rare since I became a mum. One mum today was telling me about her and her kids’ routines when she mentioned about the school I was eyeing for Rapha to go to. From my experience waiting for a kindy, I wanted to secure a spot for Rapha the soonest I could, and the information she gave me was really valuable. I then rang the school, and we are now booked for an interview two weeks from now! What blessing!
Not only do I feel blessed in my family life, but I can see God honouring the little steps I take to further my art career.
Last year, one of the goals I’ve set for myself was to enter at least 3 group exhibitions or art awards for 2024. With that goal in mind, I allotted time and created artworks that I can enter. One of the upcoming exhibitions I am entering will be happening at our local museum/gallery, and the organisers were looking for local artists they can feature in their press release. I responded within hours after I received the message because I wouldn’t pass up this opportunity to put my name forward! They then confirmed that I would be included in the feature. My efforts are finally being noticed!
I have not achieved the outcomes in my vision yet, but it’s good to count the good things along the way. I want to commit them to memory because I am 100% sure these conversations and people I meet are not lucky coincidences, but it’s God placing me in the right situations at the right time. It’s a result of me working hand-in-hand with the God I trust will provide for me.
Maybe it’s in my solitude or just my everyday practice of silence, but it made me more sensitive to God’s movement in my life. I hope anyone who reads this may find their everyday sprinkling of God’s goodness, too!
With hopeful expectations, I came into motherhood thinking that, by my sheer willpower, nothing will change with my art practice. In my heart of hearts, I even thought I would nail all my roles with flying colours because I am soooooo good at juggling several things at a time.
Two years in, in full humility, I admit that I DID NOT nail all my roles. Nope. Nope. Nope.
I still put in the effort. I would say I do have an art practice. I make something almost everyday. I squeeze art in every single opportunity I get. However, things are not turning out the way I envisioned them to be. I still am not earning from art, not winning any awards, not qualifying for any of the known art shows here in NZ. Maybe it’s the economy, maybe it’s the market saturation of artists these days, or maybe now isn’t just my time yet—whatever the reason, I am not where I thought I’d be a couple years ago.
I am not in despair, though. I have readjusted my expectations of how my current world works. I am focusing on the things I can control.
First item I had to adjust my expectations for was childcare. I thought that when Rapha turns two, all I had to do was to decide to send him to kindy and as long as I was on a waitlist, all will be well. However, all is not well. Kindys are full. Rapha is on the 21st on the waitlist of the kindy which is a couple minutes’ walk from our place. He was on the waitlist since he was one year old. Even the ones which are a 5-10 minute drive ones are unavailable. I was on a limbo for a couple months until I decided I’ll just wait for the kindy near our place and if it never happens, then he’ll stay with me at home and we’ll find ways to make things work.
Second item is my expectation of earning from my art. It has always been the goal even when I didn’t even know what I was specifically selling. These days, I am focused on building a body of work I can stand behind. I do have a good number of artworks now, but I am not happy with them going out into the world yet, so I had to step back and aim to have an established process first and a body of work that I would be proud to show. In saying that, what I do these days is join group exhibits because it takes less work and still gives me an avenue to show some of my work.
With balancing the needs of a child and my art practice, I finally accepted that it is virtually impossible to do both at the same time. Case in point: this is my 5th attempt in 2 weeks to complete this blog entry. I just do not have enough hands for it, so instead of squeezing art during the day, I do it while he naps and once he sleeps at night. The need to watch over him to keep him alive is much more necessary these days because he’s a terrible two indeed.
The future is bright, though, because I have found ways to keep him busy these days. He has different sets of toys, art materials, and musical instruments he can explore during the day. All I need is to make it enjoyable enough for him to explore them independently.
This is all a phase, and until things free up more, I will stay here and enjoy the ride.
HandsVentures NZ 