Sheen is a well-rounded woman who likes and have tried a lot of things. She likes swimming, nature, calligraphy, drawing, painting, DIYs, events management, reading, writing, health, and beauty in no specific order. Currently, she and her husband, Howell, are exploring life in New Zealand. Read on their adventures here!
It has taken quite a while for me to write to you again. It has been a whirlwind since the day we found out about you.
A team of medical specialists have been taking care of both you and me. Moving to NZ was one of the best decisions we’ve made. We don’t know how it will be if we were in the Philippines because really, your Mummy’s body isn’t the healthiest.
I’ve been anxious the past weeks because the first sonographer who saw you thought you had a cleft lip. I mean I’ll still accept you even now for who you will be or what you will look like but I’m worried it’ll be an unnecessary burden for you as you grow. Anyway, the last scan said you are all clear. You might just have been blowing bubbles in Mummy’s tummy then.
Whatever you become, I hope you find and know and love Jesus the way your Dad and I have. I hope you model your life from Him because it will be the single most important decision you will do in life – everything else will flow from that relationship.
I hope you become the best version of you. I hope to raise you as a discerning, kind, and loving man who will choose to do what is right and noble no matter how difficult. I pray even now that God gives me the grace to forgive you at times that you will hurt me. And just the same, I hope you learn to forgive your Dad and I in times that we hurt you. Forgiveness has been the toughest lesson I had to learn and it has taken so much from my life without me knowing it.
Hang in there, my precious one. I will try my best to be healthy so that you will be, too. I am jumping with joy because you are alive.
With joyful anticipation,
Your Mum
This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.
Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.
I feel better today. Still getting used to the idea that I am not alone anymore – I have you to think about.
To be honest, I still think the tests are inaccurate, but all my other bodily symptoms and changes tell me otherwise. You are real and I hope to take care of you.
Help me to eat food that you need, because Mum doesn’t have the healthiest taste in food. I just want you to be healthy.
I am challenged by the idea of raising you. I want to give you all the wonderful things life can bring. I want you to grow in love, knowing the warmth of a real home.
I pray, even now, that you get to know God, and love Him deeply, personally. Know that God is real, no matter what circumstances dictate.
I am sorry for bringing you in such a broken world – I hope you’d be a form of light this current darkness needs.
I love you even now. Hang in there.
This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.
Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.
My son usually sleeps through to 8AM for the past few months but he has just about changed his routine to include waking up at around 6AM to sleeping again at around 7/7:30AM through to 10AM.
What does this mean for me?
I adjust my painting/ working time based on my son’s schedule because during the day, he just won’t allow me to put him down for more than 30 minutes. I work during his wake times because I can walk around using a baby carrier.
His change in sleep routine means I am free to do anything from 7 to 10AM! What an opportunity! So today, I woke up, had breakfast with my husband, did a second coating of my primer for my new painting, and have now written a blog about this.
A year ago, I’d say you’re dreaming if you have coerced me to do even one of those things in less than an hour!
What I’ve learned, as a mum, is that you squeeze what you can when you can. Any time you have to yourself is golden. Today, I have done the things that bring me joy even before my son wakes up, and it’s exhilarating! I love being productive and it also allows me to take care of him guilt-free during the day. Accomplishing these things take my feelings of guilt for not doing the things I think I’m supposed to be doing instead of being tied down solely to taking care of my bubba.
I love taking care of him but I know that I have to fight for these “free times” for my own mental health and it does feel good to give time the value it deserves.
So whoever you are, whatever you are on to today, I hope you wake up with enthusiasm that you have one of the most valuable resources available to us: time. Use it to bring yourself joy today. Use it to be productive. Use it to make someone else happy. Whatever you do, use it! It is precious and time deserves to be given the value it deserves. Good day!
This is another series I am launching in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.
Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.
11 November 2021
Dear Baby,
Not sure yet if this is real but I tested posivite twice today – first with an expired pregnancy kit, then second with a kit your dad bought at a supermarket.
You caught us by surprise, you cheeky little bugger. I was just accepting the possibility that I may never have you.
I am honestly anxious – because you see, Mum hasn’t been at her healthiest since we moved here to NZ. I am obese with a recent diabetes diagnosis, even writing it down shrouds me with so much shame.
I do not know if I am capable of raising you. I want you to be healthy but how do I start it when the vessel I’m carrying you with seems so broken?
I have just learned to be selfish and I’d say I quite liked it. You see, I grew up laying my life for other people. I’ve said yes even when people have worn me down.
Your Dad gave me that freedom to say no – when things are already toxic, when people are already disrespecting me, when people take advantage of me.
I’ve focused on my passion: arts. I’m actually in the middle of my studies, my child, and it feels like my life is being taken away from me once again.
Even now, I am sorry for feeling this. I know, in time, I will truly, fully love you because you are God’s gift to us.
For now, I hope you hang in there. I will try my best to mend this broken vessel. Do not be shy to take anything you need from me.
I have written a lot about my current experiences as an individual in these blog posts. However, there is a deeper well where all these things came from. I had a history colourful enough to share.
The biggest story that I would say has defined my life happened when I was in university. We were bankrupt and my father passed during this period. Everything I held dear was taken from me.
As a young professional, I wanted to share it, at that time, I was hoping, through writing a book about my experiences. However, life happened and here we are. My memory hasn’t also been the best so I thought to create this blog series to document all I can remember and we’ll see where this takes me.
This is a story about how I have identified with Job. For reference, the story of Job can be found in the book of Job in the Bible. In so many ways, I felt my life moved as his did. Little by little, from what I can recall, I will share them here, as Sheen: the Millennial Job.
I like doing my bit for mother Earth. I try and make meals from scratch to avoid unnecessary packaging. I shop fruit and veges at our local co-op. I compost. These are very small things we try and do everyday to contribute to the future of the planet. If it does have some impact, I wouldn’t really know. One can only hope that these small efforts make a huge difference.
Today marks my 2nd week using cloth nappies – and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made as a mum both for my wallet and for the environment.
I’ve heard advantages and disadvantages from people who used cloth nappies and from those who tried but did not push through with it.
Where to start
Given that we live at the end of the earth, there are very limited options for a lot of things here, including cloth nappies. I received a couple samples from my sister-in-law: one’s an all-in-one nappy and a 2-in-one nappy. The all-in-one nappies are fastened through velcro while the 2-in-one ones use snaps. I purchased these two types just so I have variation. I am no expert yet in using cloth nappies but these ones have worked well for us.
We currently have 25 nappies and wash them every 2/3 days, depending on bubba’s usage.
Dealing with poop
One of the biggest concerns I had when I was considering cloth nappies was dealing with poop. I’ve found that there are disposable liners that you can use just so I won’t need to directly deal with it before washing. Once I found this workable solution, I was sold!
When we started with cloth nappies
We planned to start using cloth nappies when our bubba is 3 months old just so we adjust with newborn stuff gradually. It was great because we have a good routine already.
What our routines are
We use cloth nappies the whole day but since bubba is sleeping longer stretches now, about 5-7 hours a night, we still use disposable nappies at night to keep him comfortable and leak-free the whole night through. We also use disposable nappies on days out just so things are efficient and it’s one less issue we need to deal with.
Washing and drying
We do a pre-wash and main-wash in the laundry and use dryer to dry. Having a dryer at home saves us a trip to the laundry, especially on wet days and on winter. We make sure we’re doing a full load so we don’t waste energy and water cleaning these nappies.
We struggled at first figuring out how to wash these properly but there are a huge number of resources online that helped us find the best way for us to keep these nappies clean.
In conclusion…
These are our experiences so far using cloth nappies. In terms of use, there’s not much difference with disposable ones except that they are reusable. I don’t think we will fully shift to cloth nappies for convenience of days out and for baby’s comfort at night, but it has been saving heaps of disposable ones ending up in landfills. If you are looking at giving it a try, go ahead! Really one of the best decisions you can make as parents!
I have had issues with mental health even before becoming a mum so I am proactive to take certain steps to ensure that I have time for self-care. Over the past year, I have learnt of things that calm, comfort, and energise me – that’s eating healthy, swimming, walking outdoors, and making art, to name a few.
I knew even during pregnancy that I have to take deliberate steps to still continue taking care of myself as I enter the crazy busy life of motherhood. It’s a good thing I am blessed with a husband who cares about these things as much as I do.
We’ve nailed down eating healthy with weekly meal preps and having healthy snacks handy at home. With my art, I “steal” quiet times to create. I do sketches which take me about 5 to 10 minutes to create. I draw what I see. I take pictures of the sky, which can be seen through our glass doors, when I see interesting cloud formations and gorgeous sunset views. I do digital art at night when Howell is in charge of caring for Raphael. I write these blogs when Raphael sleeps according to his sleep schedule.
On Fridays, Howell works from home so I can go out and do whatever it is that will make me feel human again. I have a stash of expressed breastmilk so Howell can feed Raphael if he ever gets hungry while I’m out. I usually get about 2-3 hours of alone time. I use this time to swim and do the groceries. Didn’t know how relaxing doing groceries can be until now!
When weather is good, Raphael and I join Howell and Milo for Milo’s everyday walks. It’s just a bit upsetting these days because it’s been raining since autumn almost everyday, but we make sure to go out every single time the sun shines. I hope summer brings heaps of opportunities for more walks with the whole family.
When all these little things are added up, they make a huge contribution to my wellbeing, which directly impacts my capacity to care for Howell, Raphael, and even Milo. I used to think that thinking of yourself as a mother is selfish but really, you cannot pour from an empty vessel. I am able to give because my cup is always filled. Thank God for a loving and caring husband!
If I haven’t mentioned it enough, I am a first time mum to a now 2-month old baby.
I am currently studying for a Diploma in Creativity and I have been taking really small steps to establish a career in art while doing my studies because studying art is not really a pre-requisite for an art career. I am not fully set on the path I wish to pursue but I just keep on creating for now with the goal of forging my own path someday soon.
I used to think that having a child meant automatically abandoning this goal of mine but with encouragement from other artists and other mums, I realised it shouldn’t be the case.
Thus far, here are the things I have learned and have been helping me push through with these small steps to achieving my goal.
Be intentional
Unlike my previous process where I stay at my studio and wait for inspiration to strike, I now have a list of things and ideas I can implement when I find the small windows of time where I can work. Every opportunity is an opportunity to create so I have to be intentional on how I spend my limited time. These days, I’m fortunate enough to have an hour to spare at a time while baby is asleep because I also do chores and self-care in between.
Use the limited resources that you have
It’s a chore altogether just to get to my studio and set things up so I gathered a limited number of supplies I can easily reach and stored them in our lounge so I can easily set things to action. I found that having a limited number of supplies allows me to better focus as well. Sadly, I am not able to use any wet media, my favourite go-tos, at the moment because of how tedious it is to set it up. I am learning new ways to create because dry media isn’t something I’m used to. Here’s to learning new things!
Keep an accessible avenue to store your ideas
I used to write most of my ideas on my visual diary. However, as I’m usually on my feet, I found it easier to write my ideas on my phone instead. It is so convenient to have all my ideas in one place because I can easily jump onto any creative project and easily execute an idea.
Use the simple, mundane moments as inspiration
I used to think that only the big milestones count as my inspiration – times I see my dreams fulfilled, major life changes, anything but the present. When I gave birth, I became impatient thinking that I can only get back on track with me pursuing my dreams once my child is in school. Now, I have learned that any time I maximise is a good time.
My child’s first smile, his first round of vaccinations, his first day out, his daily naps, his interactions with our dog Milo, the times he feeds, and his moments with his dad – these are a collection of memories I can always tap on for inspiration when I need one.
Kids grow up so fast, I’ve heard plenty of mums say. I have been learning that this is only for a season – who knows, there might even come a time when I can eventually collaborate with my child in creating. Now that’s a very exciting thought!
Needless to say, the past few years have been a whirlwind of events for everyone, including our family. From the pandemic to career changes to having our first child to now, having our first home.
Howell and I take pride in our capacity to lay out plans, set them in motion, and see it to completion.
From our first year in New Zealand, we already knew the things we wanted and made sure to plan them out so plans would move. We usually set a special day and place when we’ll just go out into nature and present our desires in prayer and discern which ones we are to pursue based on God’s leading. It has been amazing seeing all these desires come into fruition. One of those God has fulfilled is our desire for a home of our own.
In planning for our home, we knew it would entail diligent saving up of money and knowing our preferences even before we seek out for one. So we set up all our finances in a way that we have set up the amount of savings we’ll have and then work our expenses around it. We were not earning heaps but we were earning enough. We lived in a humble 2-bedroom flat for the first four years, planned for cost-effective but fun holidays, and generally lived way below our means during the years we were saving money.
Come 2020, we knew we were ready to pursue our first home. Now we all know what happened in the great year 2020. During the lockdown here in New Zealand, we had time to set our essentials and preferences for our first home. We knew that location is prime factor, options for expansion, and just generally good craftsmanship of the house. Straight after lockdown, we finally set our plans in motion. I remember asking the Lord for a powerful testimony from this process…
We asked friends, family members, and workmates of the things we need to consider, the hows of home loans, and just general knowledge of purchasing our first home. We were referred to a broker who also knows of an opportunity for a private sale – easy as! Unfortunately, none of the people we asked had any experience with a private sale!
A few days after our first meeting with the broker, we were already viewing the property. We knew that properties were on the upward trend then so we locked it in straight after we viewed it for a few minutes. A few weeks after, we already signed the Sale and Purchase Agreement – this was on September 2020. Again, easy as! The catch? We had to wait for the property to be subdivided prior to settlement.
We were promised just a few months for the subdivision to happen. Yep, we can deal with that. We just negotiated that we live in the property while the process of subdivision was being done. And so we moved to our home on March 2021. We were confident because we were a double income couple with no dependents, nothing we need to worry about.
Until…
A year after, year 2022, we were down to one income and we were expecting our miracle baby… Things have become so unpredictable. The processing dragged a while for a myriad of reasons we did not have control of. Add the changes to CCFA rolled out on December 2021, things looked bleak.
A few days before settlement, we received news that our home loan pre-approval wasn’t granted by the bank. To add to the injury, two other banks declined our home loan application. And not only was our 12% down payment no longer accepted, we had to have the full 20% down payment to secure a loan. We had to request for an extension of settlement as well because, how can anyone complete these requirements in a few days? Haha.
A family member helped us acquire the remaining 8%. After which, our settlement date extension was also granted, and we had to comply with the additional requirements by other banks for our home loan to be granted. Thanks to the people who have assisted us, and also to Kainga Ora for their first home grant, we got there in the end. The settlement came through yesterday, 16th June.
It was such an exciting and humbling experience for us. From being the ideal first home buyers, everything changed in just a year. We initially set out to independently purchase our first home without the help of anyone but ended up needing help from several generous and supportive people in our circles. We were not only given financial assistance, but were blessed with the wisdom of these people. A powerful testimony indeed! It wasn’t what we had, not our skills, not our financial management prowess alone brought us through this milestone. We knew God has walked before us and paved the way for us. He also used other people to help provide for what we needed. He has kept His promise in spite of the challenges, and we know we wouldn’t have it any other way…
I write this today from our three-bedroom home located in a private cul-de-sac, seconds away from the city centre, with also a couple of parks and beaches 15 to 30 minutes away. While I cannot give a home tour now because of the busyness of a first time mum, here are a couple of gorgeous sunsets visible from our place.
…The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.
It has been almost six years since we arrived on New Zealand’s shores. As someone who came from a tropical country, I have little appreciation for what seasons are and their significance to humans – which is apparently fairly significant. Seasons dictate your daily choices such as your clothing, food, holidays, and even your social activities.
I can, in hindsight, look at the events of my life, and connect them to a specific season as I have experienced it.
The first six years of our marriage has mostly ranged from autumn to winter to spring. We have toiled and built up our careers to the point that we were able to have a good harvest of our investments prior to having a child. We were able to save up and have a kickstart to prepare for the arrival of a child. We were able to enjoy each other’s company and got to know each other fairly well. It was a beautiful season we have now moved on from.
My pregnancy was summer-like. It was in the literal sense summer here in New Zealand – way too warm for my liking, but very sunshine-y and it held so many promises of a beautiful new season in our lives. I’d say it passed by quickly, but those nine months were very significant for us to mentally and emotionally prepare for this blessing of a new child in our family.
Now that our son has finally arrived, I know we are transitioning to a whole new season of which we know so little of. I’d say that since the start of my pregnancy, I have been learning to live life one day at a time. I remember celebrating every week I have carried him because my high risk pregnancy can bring a lot of good and bad surprises and I was really anxious I might give birth prematurely. Every weekly doctor’s appointment brought in different challenges for us. There was the potential cleft lip they saw in the scans, echogenic bowel, him being too small for his gestational age, and him being in the breech presentation. Week by week we had to watch out for these things and find how they will finally turn out. Fortunately, his breech presentation was the only issue that had a significance on us.
With Howell back to work and with me solely caring for Raphael for majority of the day, the value of living day by day made more and more sense to me. My compulsion to plan and to fix everything ahead of time are all out the window – there’s no planning everyday because I do not even know what time his next feed will be! It is frustrating not knowing what’s going to happen next.
For my art practice, I curently have 3 books in my pipeline – 2 of which I’m currently working on. I’m also building a body of work for my dream art exhibit.
Between everything I wanted to happen and my current reality of a first-time mum to a newborn, it’s like time has been suspended somewhere. I am at a loss and all I can do is live life daily – not out of choice but out of sheer need to preserve my sanity. I take small steps to get back to normal but it has been tough because I have real, physical bounds that stop me from going into full gear. I am stilll healing from my C-section and Raphael’s routines has not been established yet.
I have heard from more seasoned mums that I’d need to learn to cherish this season because it comes by so fast and that this is indeed just a season – it will pass eventually. My bubba will grow up fast and I can never turn back time and go back to how small he currently is. If this were all true, then maybe slowing down and being comfortable with the unkown is something I’d need to deal with for this season. How I’ll do it, I still do not know, but for now, I can decide to shut the computer down, breathe deeply, and maybe hug my son for a few moments longer…
HandsVentures NZ 