Author: HandSventuresNZ

Sheen is a well-rounded woman who likes and have tried a lot of things. She likes swimming, nature, calligraphy, drawing, painting, DIYs, events management, reading, writing, health, and beauty in no specific order. Currently, she and her husband, Howell, are exploring life in New Zealand. Read on their adventures here!

Categories
Musings

Insights from Emails

These days, I’ve been organising my emails on my phone during idle times of the day when I’m just looking after Rapha while he’s playing.

Why am I doing this and why am I doing this the long way?

*To have a bigger view of what has happened in the past years. These were years where we experienced milestone upon milestone and it’s good to look back on what we did right, even if that means seeing things and messages that remind me of the ugly parts of these years.

*Building the habit of purging and simplifying things. As a new mum, direct, simple, doable tasks are recommended. I am honestly baffled by my wonderful skill of complicating simple things. I am slowly learning what simple looks like because of this process. Having a clean break helps me propel myself toward the things I wanted to pursue instead of getting lost in all the noise the other messages provide me.

Here were some of my insights as I went through this exercise:

1. If only I took the time to process things as they come, it wouldn’t blow up to 6k emails. To be fair with me, these were years when I had depression. I couldn’t even bring myself to wake up, let alone clean out my emails. Still, doing little bits consistently is extremely helpful.

2. I missed out on good reading materials which were only relevant for a certain time.

3. I missed out on initiatives I started but wasn’.t able to follow through because my inbox was too crowded. It’s not too late, though. Some of those items are still worth going back to.

4. Rubbish taking space in my inbox. Unnecessary information and even emails from people I’d rather not deal with anymore were still there. Now I can finally, officially, digitally say adios!

5. On the flip side, missing out on responding to people who matter, because their messages were again buried in the pile of rubbish that is my inbox

6. Greater appreciation that things come and go. When you read on your history through your emails, you see the different phases of your life in a more zoomed-out view. You can map out the high and low moments you had. I’ve learnt the value of cherishing the beauty of each season. And if you’re in a bad season, know that they change and there is hope for a more beautiful one.

All those insights from weeding out my emails. Whew! Learn from some of my mistakes and organise yours now hehehe!

Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 6

8 June 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

It has been a little more than a month since you were born. Those weeks have been really tough for your dad and me. Apart from my recovery and our adjustments to having you, life seemed to have thrown another curve ball, which is the long-awaited settlement of our home.

At the time I’m writing this, we are still in the process of waiting for my Kiwisaver to be processed and our home loan to be approved. I cannot begin to describe how mentally and physically draining these all are.

Somehow, in the midst of these issues, you have been the ray of sunshine who gives me reasons to hope and to continue fighting. Earlier this evening, as your dad and Milo did their normal evening walks, I somehow had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect you, of wanting to give you all the love I can possibly ever give.

I am surprised at how little you are yet how big your effect had been in our lives. I love you, my child. I hope you will grow knowing how loved and valuable you are to us. You have saved me in so many ways, my child. I have no words to describe how, you just did. I will forever be grateful for the gift of you.

Yours forever,

Mum

Categories
Art Practice

Everybody’s Moved… but Me

I was inspired to create similar works from the The Days are Long painting I recently did. I’m honestly motivated to create a series exploring more on my postpartum journey using these skyscapes. And so this second work was born!

I called it Everybody’s Moved… but Me.

This was inspired mainly by my reaction to social media posts I’ve seen of my friends and acquaintances. Since mums of newborns don’t have much of a choice in terms of things to do, it’s easy to turn to one’s phone and scroll our time away. I was active and spent heaps of time outside the house prior to giving birth and so the sudden slow pace really got to me.

Seeing other people go about their normal routines is enough to make me super jealous. It felt like everything was as normal for the world I know and there I was watching everything go by. Everybody seemed to be moving… but me.

With the intention of this being a series, I used skyscapes, yet again, to illustrate this experience. I particularly like the colours I used here and making gradients through oils is such a satisfying experience!

Categories
Musings

The Power of Conversations

I heard a lecture before that ancient civilisations were formed and thrived using ideas – ideas that people shared amongst themselves. I never got my head around that concept but it’s starting to make sense to me now.

Time and again I have found that good conversations have a great impact on me. Some conversations benefit you by being comforted from a painful thing you’re going through. Some can be consoling because you get to feel heard and seen and understood. Some bring clarity.

That’s exactly the one I experienced after speaking with my husband the other night.

I was having a lot of anxiety over the idea of “starting again” by trying to establish an art career. I know that starting things from scratch can especially feel daunting but I have not been able to put my finger on the exact triggers of my anxieties until I had this conversation with my husband.

We were able to pinpoint my very valid and logical reasons, which is a good topic for another day, but the point is that by digging deeper through a free flow of ideas flushed out a good deal of information I can use to move forward.

Together, we found solutions to seemingly huge issues, which are apparently easier to deal with just a change in perspective. We’ve sifted emotions versus facts floating through my brain. We’ve figured out items we really have no control over. Thus, we’ve come to realise that some items would just boil down to acceptance – that I may fail or may be rejected, but coming to grips that this is a possibility better prepares me mentally and emotionally to learn from some experiences and move on. Coming up with actual, doable solutions have also helped me get out of my paralysis and return to taking baby steps again.

All these we got from a 2-hour conversation.

Sharing ideas through conversing can indeed build civilisations. It is powerful because what our brains consume, it processes. Whatever information we process, we can choose to act on it or leave it.

Either way, it affects us.

And conversations could either be good or bad. Therefore, it is good to choose good conversations and trusted confidantes to share with because bad ones can affect you as powerfully.

Who knows, your next big thing may just be right around the corner, waiting to be uncovered by a single conversation?

So if you have time today, maybe you can try to engage in a conversation over a hot cuppa with a trusted friend or partner or parent, or sibling – see what power your next conversation may bring.

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Uncategorized

Rapha’s 6-month Milestones

I never understood why parents make a fuss about every single “skill” their kids learn… until now!

It is, apparently, a big deal when babies/ kids learn new things because they become closer to becoming functional adults. And as a parent, I couldn’t be prouder for my bubba’s milestones.

He can now roll… and crawl in reverse

We were getting worried because he never showed any effort to roll when he was 4 months but he eventually rolled at the end of 5 months and has never stopped since! Along with rolling, he has also started crawling… in reverse! Hilarious!

He can sit himself up

This one was a surprise because after rolling at the end of 5 months, he sat up by himself a few days after, a speedy development compared to him learning how to roll.

He has started eating solids

This one was not only fun for him but also for me! We mix baby-led weaning and purees. I enjoy thinking of and preparing food for him. It’s amazing how easily he has learned to pick food up and bringing it to his mouth. So far, he has enjoyed oats and toasts but not carrots.

He has been babbling nonstop

…Even at 3AM! This boy is so playful and expressive. He is very endearing in spite of the sleepless nights.

He is curious about the world

He would spend a good time observing his environment, whether at home or when we’re out on walks. In social environments, he prefers people-watching before engaging with anybody. He would grab anything he could his hands onto and figure out how things work. It’s such a huge time of learning for him and we’re delighted witnessing it!

He has started playing with our dog, Milo

And because of Milo’s fun-loving nature, they both benefit from this interaction. Milo’s been really gentle with Rapha – it’s been wonderful seeing them interact.

He can play by himself

Though he still prefers playing with us, Rapha is comfortable being left in his playpen for a couple minutes now. This is very helpful, especially for me, in getting things done.

He is now capable of submerging in the pool

This was a big one for me because it shows he’s growing more comfortable in the water now, a valuable skill for just about any child. The sign to look out for before submerging is when he closes his eyes and mouth when his chin gets in contact with water and it was just this week that he did that! He also kicks in the pool now and generally enjoys his weekly swimming lessons.

That’s us! I am one proud and happy Mum! I can’t wait for him to unlock more skills in the coming months. 🙂

Categories
Art Practice Family

My Recent Work: The Days are Long

The Days are Long, Triptych 16 “x 20”, oil on canvas

Prior to giving birth, I was working on a printmaking project which I never completed. It is a detailed piece which I never had the capacity to complete when I gave birth.

Within three months postpartum, I still was not able to create so I chose to take photos of the things around me when I can. One of the type of photos I took were of the skyscapes that can be viewed from our glass doors.

On my fourth month postpartum, I had more time to think about what I wanted to do. I wanted to process the beautiful photos of skyscapes I took so I experimented on a number of things and settled on painting it.

My recent work is a triptych oil painting on canvas. I have dabbled with oils several times but it’s just now that I’ve done a proper piece with it. It works well with my process since I usually work when baby is down on his day naps so oils suit because I can just leave the paint and resume work when possible.

The Days are Long explores my postpartum experience. The heavy, dark borders appeal to the sense of being boxed in. The black and white illustrative lines contrast with the bold colours and strokes of the skyscape. This depicts the stark contrast of the dullness of staying put at home and the colourful world right before me. The different skyscape styles and colours indicate the passage of time. It seemed during those months that my life was at a standstill while I watch the world go by.

I am writing this six months postpartum and things have already changed. It’s amazing to look back at this experience and see that things do improve. The days feel long but my wee one is becoming more independent day by day. It is wonderful to have an avenue to record these experiences and I would love to create more of them in the coming months.

What did you think of this piece? Any constructive feedback is welcome!

Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 5

3 May 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

Two days from now, we will get to hold you in our arms. Mummy will have an elective c-section because you will be born in breech position. We are both excited and nervous but we’re more excited than ever. We have waited so long for you, my child.

Your very existence is a gift. I do not know what the future will bring or how difficult things will be for us, but I believe that the joy of having you will be greater than any struggle we will ever have.

You are loved way more than you could ever imagine. I have loved you even before you were ever conceived. Imagine our joy when we found out that you’re already on the way!

I have no words to ever describe what I feel right now but you are one of the Lord’s greatest blessings to us. Hang in there. We’ll see you very soon.

With joyful anticipation,

Your Mum

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.

Categories
Musings

An Ode to Divergent Paths and Lasting Friendships

I couldn’t remember the context now but as Howell and I were driving a few weeks ago, we went down memory lane and talked about the friendships we had when we were back in the Philippines.

There were so much simple yet precious moments we had then. We were talking about how easy it was to just call on our friends to come over whenever we wanted to and how having friends then were something that came naturally for me.

We remembered how at one point, our friends and I dreamt of living next to each other or maybe having a holiday home together.

I vividly remembered I think it was the last Valentine’s Day we spent with them. Howell and I were already married during this time. We just wanted to hang out with them so we invited them for a barbecue at home. It was funny because we didn’t even have a proper barbecue equipment but we made do with a DIY one. We had BBQ and I remember jamming with them under the stars while one of us played the guitar. It was simple. It was wonderful.

I kept in touch with them when we left for New Zealand but distance separates. We communicated less and eventually, naturally, chose divergent paths. Four of them are married now, including my sister. I still get to chat with some of them once in a while and I see updates of how they are on social media but that’s about it.

I did a sobfest after that conversation with Howell because I remembered how I treasured those friendships. I miss how it was, but the conclusion of our conversation was that I do not regret a thing. If anything, I am glad I got to experience a colourful life as a young person because I had them then.

They may or may not read this but if you ever do, know that I think about you guys sometimes. Nothing has replaced our adventures and misadventures. Life was simple then but I had the greatest, most memorable moments with you. I hope you are all living your lives to the fullest! Who knows, our divergent paths may cross again someday! Until then, save your stories so that we’ll have heaps to talk and laugh about…

Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 4

23 February 2022

Dear Raphael,

Ever since I learned of your existence, I’ve been learning so much more about myself, life, your Dad, and where God is in all these. Never have I ever been so unsure of what life will bring until you turned up.

These days, I am learning to live life day by day and to make each of those days count, because they do. Everyday counts, especially if you’re a baby developing in your mother’s womb. What I do, what I eat, what I feel affects you in so many ways and I only want to give what’s best for you at the same time balancing what’s good for me.

Never have I grasped my lack of control until now. No one knows when or how you will arrive and even that drives me nuts, my child. You will be born in a pandemic that truly shocked and changed the whole world and I do not know how to feel about that. We are blessed to be in a country that has plenty of resources and so much support from the government and our greater community – in your parents’ case, mainly the church.

I do not know when or if you will get to meet your grandma and auntie in the Philippines but that is a whole different topic altogether.

In all these, I am learning that I can only turn to the One who has numbered all our days, to the One who has loved you even before you were conceived. He willed you into being and His huge hands and generous love will see us through. Whatever uncertainty the future holds is certain for Him who hold all things together. I hope that even now, you will feel and know and claim that He is there, always has been.

I am very excited to meet you in spite of all my fears. Hang in there, son. Few months more and I will get to have the privilege of holding you in my arms. Even now, you are loved and cherished.

With joyful anticipation,

Your Mum

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.

Categories
Art Practice Musings

Organisation and Consistency in Art-Making

I used to think that being organised belonged exclusively to the corporate world. When I started taking art seriously, I never bothered to organise because there is the common notion that artists are disorganised and work “freely” without any sort of pattern or routine. All these changed when I became a mum…

I can now only do art or write in short windows of time unlike the long stretches of hours I used to have when I didn’t have a child yet. I had to make certain adjustments to make this work.

Choose doable projects suitable for the way I work.. for now.

I have a pipeline of work I wanted to get done but I realised because of all the constraints I have, I should choose the most doable ones for now, just to still have a sense of satisfaction in creating. I still have a printmaking project needing to get done but it was just too detailed. I am not able to get physically close to the projects I am making because I usually have a baby in my arms so projects like those would need to be parked for now.

I can pursue the more complicated stuff in the future, when bubba is more independent thaan he is now.

Set limits on the materials you use

It’s amazing what putting limits can do. With me, once my parameters for working and the materials I am working with are set, I become freer to create. Putting limits allows me to focus on the task at hand and not be mesmerised by the possibilities all my tools and materials promise. It also gives my physical space to work because I won’t have to deal with the clutter of working with several mediums at a time.

Have tasks broken down into small chunks

This comes in handy for when baby is napping. I can just run to my workspace and get things done. It would be another layer of work if I come into my workspace not knowing exactly what needs to get done so if I already have a list of tasks just waiting to be accomplished, it’s easier to get things moving and tick things off my list.

Have your thoughts/ organisecd in one space for easy reference

I used to have several notebooks for different types of projects and/or ideas but it just isn’t practical to have those now. A visual diary which is with me ALL the time is useful so I can jot down or sketch all my ideas and find them in one place instead of combing through different notebooks/ sketchpads.

Pack away materials and equipment as soon as a project is done

So clutter does not accumulate and you’ll have plenty of space to work on your next one. I used to miss out on this task because there would “always be another day” to clean my mess but that’s just adding on to my endless list of to dos if I don’t get it done straight away.

Accept that you may not be working in the studio exclusively

My home studio used to be my exclusive working space because I hate clutter in other parts of the house but I’ve learned to accept that my whole home is my work space for now because it’s how I get more done. My painting stuff are in the living room, my sketching materials are lying on our coffee table, and I am currently writing this on our dining table. It is what it is!

Show up

Some days I find myself wanting to just lounge around but because all my materials are at arm’s length, I can quickly get something done. I haven’t done a lot that I am proud of recently, but I get things done nevertheless. It’s so tough pausing and then getting back to creating – I felt like I lost all the skills I’ve built upon in the last years because of the 4 months I was not creating. Now I’ve decided to just show up. I allot at least 4 hours broken into my day to create. It may be quick sketches or just a layer of primer on my canvas but I do it anyway. Helps me to have a continuous art practice which adds to my repertoire of skills.

Have hope that things do change

My son used to sleep on my arms for the most part of the day, now I can leave him for his day naps for at least 30 minutes to 2 hours. My way of working has changed together with the changes my son is experiencing.

In saying that, an artist mum should be flexible readjusting the way she works depending on the stage of development her child is in. I, for one, am, looking forward to the day I can start creating art with him!