Tag: New Zealand

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Art Practice

Rug Tufting/ Punch Needling

I was wanting to take a break from painting after finishing my recent body of work but I was also looking for a way to continue creating. This was when I remembered punch needling.

I tried punch needling back in 2020 with a design from the shop where I bought my materials.

I remembered how quick it was to make and how fun it was “painting” with fibre. So I chose to do it again for my “break from painting”.

This one I made was my own design. I chose the colours from the yarn available to me.

It was going well, I thought. Until I realised that my cloth wasn’t stretched enough! Oh well, I continued my work still.

I quite liked the turnout of the design…

…then when I was supposed to finish the rug, it kept curling!

I read around and found that this happens when your loops are too dense. I plan to make another one! I purchased new materials so we’ll see how it goes next time!

I find it lovely that there are these avenues where I can continue creating when I want to take a break from a certain medium. Not sure if it helps my skills jumping from one medium to another but I enjoy it anyway!

My next creative journey for now is geared towards drawing and watercolour paintings. I wanted to do looser artworks and work on drawing experiments as well. Watch this space!

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Art Practice Musings

What’s for 2023?

What’s for 2023?

For 2023, I have set certain goals that are non-negotiable. I have done the initial work in 2022 and would just need to follow through the plan. One of the things I set out to do this year is to go out and show my work, in every way possible.

The first bold goal is to start with a solo show and this is how it’s going so far.

*Body of work is complete, just adding some personal touches to it

*Since body of work was finished December last year, I have no venue whatsoever for the show but I wanted to do one nearer Mother’s day because that’s what the work’s message revolves upon

*Most of the spaces available are taken for May so I’m exhausting every possible resource I have to find a venue that might still be available

Now here’s the thing. I’ve been in marketing for quite a while before I had my baby so I know how much work needs to be done. Doesn’t matter, though, because I know how to market it.

The thing is, the things I used to market were things/ experiences I firmly believe in and as an emerging artist, I have doubts and heaps of them! I have doubts about the product I am selling, of all things! Now I’m staring fear in the eye and I’ve been having conversations with it – sometimes I win, and oftentimes, I cave in.

What’ll happen next, then? I don’t really know.

What I know is this: I’ve never wanted anything this bad I’m willing to get rejected and/or judged because of it. I want to be an artist and I know I can do so much more if only I was brave enough to barrel through these roadblocks.

It’s not even been a week, 2023. Good thing my son has been teaching me perseverance so it doesn’t matter if I fail. I will try again and I will learn. Over. And over. And over.

So what’s for 2023? Exciting things! Scary things! Bold things! Faith-challenging things! Ready or not, here they come!

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 7

28 June 2022

My dearest Raphael,

I know you’ve been extra clingy the past two weeks because you were sick. Tonight was different, though. You held my face for the first time. You made sure I was beside you just before you slept.

I felt so loved, my child. It’s like my heart is bursting with so much happiness because I simply am your mum. It’s such a privilege to be entrusted with a child like you.

You are compassionate, cooperative, kind, and affectionate. I love seeing you grow.

I might have had doubts about being your mum, but those doubts seem so little now that I am getting to know you more.

I want to stay by your side for as long as I can, my son. You are my treasure. 

May you know and accept how loved you are – by us, your parents, by God, and by so many other people I can not even count.

You still have so much in store for you. For now, sleep well knowing that we are here and God’s angels are watching over you. May you dream wonderful dreams tonight.

Yours forever,

Mum

Categories
Musings

Insights from Emails

These days, I’ve been organising my emails on my phone during idle times of the day when I’m just looking after Rapha while he’s playing.

Why am I doing this and why am I doing this the long way?

*To have a bigger view of what has happened in the past years. These were years where we experienced milestone upon milestone and it’s good to look back on what we did right, even if that means seeing things and messages that remind me of the ugly parts of these years.

*Building the habit of purging and simplifying things. As a new mum, direct, simple, doable tasks are recommended. I am honestly baffled by my wonderful skill of complicating simple things. I am slowly learning what simple looks like because of this process. Having a clean break helps me propel myself toward the things I wanted to pursue instead of getting lost in all the noise the other messages provide me.

Here were some of my insights as I went through this exercise:

1. If only I took the time to process things as they come, it wouldn’t blow up to 6k emails. To be fair with me, these were years when I had depression. I couldn’t even bring myself to wake up, let alone clean out my emails. Still, doing little bits consistently is extremely helpful.

2. I missed out on good reading materials which were only relevant for a certain time.

3. I missed out on initiatives I started but wasn’.t able to follow through because my inbox was too crowded. It’s not too late, though. Some of those items are still worth going back to.

4. Rubbish taking space in my inbox. Unnecessary information and even emails from people I’d rather not deal with anymore were still there. Now I can finally, officially, digitally say adios!

5. On the flip side, missing out on responding to people who matter, because their messages were again buried in the pile of rubbish that is my inbox

6. Greater appreciation that things come and go. When you read on your history through your emails, you see the different phases of your life in a more zoomed-out view. You can map out the high and low moments you had. I’ve learnt the value of cherishing the beauty of each season. And if you’re in a bad season, know that they change and there is hope for a more beautiful one.

All those insights from weeding out my emails. Whew! Learn from some of my mistakes and organise yours now hehehe!

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 6

8 June 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

It has been a little more than a month since you were born. Those weeks have been really tough for your dad and me. Apart from my recovery and our adjustments to having you, life seemed to have thrown another curve ball, which is the long-awaited settlement of our home.

At the time I’m writing this, we are still in the process of waiting for my Kiwisaver to be processed and our home loan to be approved. I cannot begin to describe how mentally and physically draining these all are.

Somehow, in the midst of these issues, you have been the ray of sunshine who gives me reasons to hope and to continue fighting. Earlier this evening, as your dad and Milo did their normal evening walks, I somehow had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect you, of wanting to give you all the love I can possibly ever give.

I am surprised at how little you are yet how big your effect had been in our lives. I love you, my child. I hope you will grow knowing how loved and valuable you are to us. You have saved me in so many ways, my child. I have no words to describe how, you just did. I will forever be grateful for the gift of you.

Yours forever,

Mum

Categories
Art Practice

Everybody’s Moved… but Me

I was inspired to create similar works from the The Days are Long painting I recently did. I’m honestly motivated to create a series exploring more on my postpartum journey using these skyscapes. And so this second work was born!

I called it Everybody’s Moved… but Me.

This was inspired mainly by my reaction to social media posts I’ve seen of my friends and acquaintances. Since mums of newborns don’t have much of a choice in terms of things to do, it’s easy to turn to one’s phone and scroll our time away. I was active and spent heaps of time outside the house prior to giving birth and so the sudden slow pace really got to me.

Seeing other people go about their normal routines is enough to make me super jealous. It felt like everything was as normal for the world I know and there I was watching everything go by. Everybody seemed to be moving… but me.

With the intention of this being a series, I used skyscapes, yet again, to illustrate this experience. I particularly like the colours I used here and making gradients through oils is such a satisfying experience!

Categories
Musings

The Power of Conversations

I heard a lecture before that ancient civilisations were formed and thrived using ideas – ideas that people shared amongst themselves. I never got my head around that concept but it’s starting to make sense to me now.

Time and again I have found that good conversations have a great impact on me. Some conversations benefit you by being comforted from a painful thing you’re going through. Some can be consoling because you get to feel heard and seen and understood. Some bring clarity.

That’s exactly the one I experienced after speaking with my husband the other night.

I was having a lot of anxiety over the idea of “starting again” by trying to establish an art career. I know that starting things from scratch can especially feel daunting but I have not been able to put my finger on the exact triggers of my anxieties until I had this conversation with my husband.

We were able to pinpoint my very valid and logical reasons, which is a good topic for another day, but the point is that by digging deeper through a free flow of ideas flushed out a good deal of information I can use to move forward.

Together, we found solutions to seemingly huge issues, which are apparently easier to deal with just a change in perspective. We’ve sifted emotions versus facts floating through my brain. We’ve figured out items we really have no control over. Thus, we’ve come to realise that some items would just boil down to acceptance – that I may fail or may be rejected, but coming to grips that this is a possibility better prepares me mentally and emotionally to learn from some experiences and move on. Coming up with actual, doable solutions have also helped me get out of my paralysis and return to taking baby steps again.

All these we got from a 2-hour conversation.

Sharing ideas through conversing can indeed build civilisations. It is powerful because what our brains consume, it processes. Whatever information we process, we can choose to act on it or leave it.

Either way, it affects us.

And conversations could either be good or bad. Therefore, it is good to choose good conversations and trusted confidantes to share with because bad ones can affect you as powerfully.

Who knows, your next big thing may just be right around the corner, waiting to be uncovered by a single conversation?

So if you have time today, maybe you can try to engage in a conversation over a hot cuppa with a trusted friend or partner or parent, or sibling – see what power your next conversation may bring.

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Categories
Art Practice Family

My Recent Work: The Days are Long

The Days are Long, Triptych 16 “x 20”, oil on canvas

Prior to giving birth, I was working on a printmaking project which I never completed. It is a detailed piece which I never had the capacity to complete when I gave birth.

Within three months postpartum, I still was not able to create so I chose to take photos of the things around me when I can. One of the type of photos I took were of the skyscapes that can be viewed from our glass doors.

On my fourth month postpartum, I had more time to think about what I wanted to do. I wanted to process the beautiful photos of skyscapes I took so I experimented on a number of things and settled on painting it.

My recent work is a triptych oil painting on canvas. I have dabbled with oils several times but it’s just now that I’ve done a proper piece with it. It works well with my process since I usually work when baby is down on his day naps so oils suit because I can just leave the paint and resume work when possible.

The Days are Long explores my postpartum experience. The heavy, dark borders appeal to the sense of being boxed in. The black and white illustrative lines contrast with the bold colours and strokes of the skyscape. This depicts the stark contrast of the dullness of staying put at home and the colourful world right before me. The different skyscape styles and colours indicate the passage of time. It seemed during those months that my life was at a standstill while I watch the world go by.

I am writing this six months postpartum and things have already changed. It’s amazing to look back at this experience and see that things do improve. The days feel long but my wee one is becoming more independent day by day. It is wonderful to have an avenue to record these experiences and I would love to create more of them in the coming months.

What did you think of this piece? Any constructive feedback is welcome!

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Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 5

3 May 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

Two days from now, we will get to hold you in our arms. Mummy will have an elective c-section because you will be born in breech position. We are both excited and nervous but we’re more excited than ever. We have waited so long for you, my child.

Your very existence is a gift. I do not know what the future will bring or how difficult things will be for us, but I believe that the joy of having you will be greater than any struggle we will ever have.

You are loved way more than you could ever imagine. I have loved you even before you were ever conceived. Imagine our joy when we found out that you’re already on the way!

I have no words to ever describe what I feel right now but you are one of the Lord’s greatest blessings to us. Hang in there. We’ll see you very soon.

With joyful anticipation,

Your Mum

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.

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Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 4

23 February 2022

Dear Raphael,

Ever since I learned of your existence, I’ve been learning so much more about myself, life, your Dad, and where God is in all these. Never have I ever been so unsure of what life will bring until you turned up.

These days, I am learning to live life day by day and to make each of those days count, because they do. Everyday counts, especially if you’re a baby developing in your mother’s womb. What I do, what I eat, what I feel affects you in so many ways and I only want to give what’s best for you at the same time balancing what’s good for me.

Never have I grasped my lack of control until now. No one knows when or how you will arrive and even that drives me nuts, my child. You will be born in a pandemic that truly shocked and changed the whole world and I do not know how to feel about that. We are blessed to be in a country that has plenty of resources and so much support from the government and our greater community – in your parents’ case, mainly the church.

I do not know when or if you will get to meet your grandma and auntie in the Philippines but that is a whole different topic altogether.

In all these, I am learning that I can only turn to the One who has numbered all our days, to the One who has loved you even before you were conceived. He willed you into being and His huge hands and generous love will see us through. Whatever uncertainty the future holds is certain for Him who hold all things together. I hope that even now, you will feel and know and claim that He is there, always has been.

I am very excited to meet you in spite of all my fears. Hang in there, son. Few months more and I will get to have the privilege of holding you in my arms. Even now, you are loved and cherished.

With joyful anticipation,

Your Mum

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.

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