Tag: HandSventures

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Art Practice Family Musings

Chasing the Blues Away

The past few weeks have been really stressful to our family. There are some big ticket items that are still hanging and we’re not quite sure how to proceed. My husband had Covid and I am generally unhappy with the art I have been making.

I saw myself spiralling to old patterns – I’ve been binge shopping again, I had no interest in creating anything, and I have been doing productive but unnecessary housework. I felt no control over things but it’s good that I caught the pattern early on.

Yesterday, I decided to do a general cleaning at home. Every nooks and crannies of our home were dusted, wiped, vacuumed, or steamed. I put my hands on to something I can control and have an immediate good result. I needed to do an actual activity that will take me off my phone to avoid any temptations of online shopping and mindless scrolling. Today, our home is sparkling clean and I can feel I can breathe easier.

Early morning today, I went to the gym and completed my workout. I tidied up the kitchen when I went home and proceeded to write on this blog. I feel so accomplished. I feel like I’ve done some self-care and I am ready to face my frustrations with a different energy this time.

Overcoming mental barriers and even mental health issues takes active participation and I am glad I have learnt my patterns and have discovered ways I can deal with the ebb and flow of my emotions as they come.

If you are in the same position as I was several weeks ago, give yourself permission to do some self-care, however it looks for you.

For me, it’s cleaning my space, writing, exercising, praying, and reflecting. Something might still happen to upset me today but I know now how to somehow chase these blues away.

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Art Practice Family

My Identity as an Artist

The other day, I was thinking of what I am doing in general with my art practice. I’ve found that if I randomly create without any regard for the message I am putting out, my outputs seem confused and generally flat.

So I thought of identifying my overarching message that I am wanting to communicate or promote in my work. Apart from my identity as an artist mum, I am in the business of breaking chains.

Whether it be in the artworks or in the process of art-making, I am about breaking chains – of neglect, hurts, disappointments, brokenness.

At the time I wrote about this in my journal, my son was wanting to be carried, just because he wants to. I would normally be so annoyed because of the interruption but I welcomed it and wrote what I needed to in phases.

It starts early. I believe that if he grows secure that he is loved and valued, he gets the best start he can get.

This was also the reason why I chose to concentrate on certain mediums and processes that can accommodate these “interruptions” during the day. There’s an overflow of my home studio in every parts of the home so I can still easily get on the creative task when I have the time.

It’s such a sacrifice but the chains I’ve had has impacted me all my life and it’s the least part of my life I want to hand over to my son. Even these blogs are not too cohesive lately because I end it not when I want to but when I need to.

I hope that whatever I am doing in this area of breaking chains may inspire others and hopefully, inspire other parents/ families as well. A loving, healthy, kind, and generous society starts with a loving, healthy, kind, and generous home.

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Art Practice

Solo Show: The Aftermath

While my solo show was ongoing, I kept telling people I might take a 3-month hiatus after everything was done… how I wish I were wrong! Out of exhaustion and the shift to cold weather months, my family members took turns getting sick and here we are after three months!

I didn’t realise how tiring it can be – physically and mentally. But I’ve had three wonderful months to rest and am back now.

While I was on break, I took time to think about the direction I’m headed. I feel like my current skills are not at par with my vision yet and so I decided to focus on areas I really want to improve on.

I tried printmaking, painting, and drawing, experimenting with different mediums while on a break and from there picked on the practice I want to concentrate on.

My goal is to explore and find out what my art style is. I understand finding one’s art style isn’t a linear experience but starting somewhere and finding how I can best express myself would be a good place to start.

I chose drawing and painting – using watercolours, soft pastels, and acrylics for now. I have set up workstations around my home studio to accommodate my deep dive into these mediums.

I chose the media I enjoy working with the most as I think I can learn more by doing what I really like. I’ve talked to a New Zealand artist I really admire and she told me that focusing on a medium allows you to find deeper knowledge and mastery of it. I guess I’m done exploring materials for now and am geared towards getting to know my chosen materials more and experimenting with them.

In saying that, here are my recent explorations. Through these, I’ve found the gaps in my skills and have found my preferred ways of working, too. So I guess I’ll take it from there and push on with my art-ventures!

Oh, and I have finished the transcript for my next book! Just don’t know when I’ll find the time to start illustrating it!

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Art Practice Family Musings

The Wonders of a Supportive Partner

I have seen Howell, my husband, in several seasons of my life already. He has been a steady presence in our home. He has supported me and cheered me on whatever season in my life.

I have seen him transform from an officemate to a boyfriend, a husband, a sole provider, a father, and now my main cheerleader in my chosen career.

Howell is an engineer by profession so anything that has to do with measurements and implementing them is something I can entrust to him.

I’m at the latter stages of my preparation for the exhibit so it’s all about presentation and packaging and it honestly has overwhelmed me. I have never thought of these things and how much time and resources it takes to get them done when I’ve started doing these paintings.

And as someone who knows me well, he himself volunteered to help me out with planning and implementing the packaging, transportation, and even the installation of my paintings in the gallery. He knew how overwhelmed I can get doing tasks like these.

He is currently finishing packaging my paintings as I write this – he has used his holidays to help me out because he’s working full time.

My anxieties over how I was going to do those tasks can rest while I cover tasks related to marketing this event.

I am continuously surprised and amazed by how much he stretches himself to support and encourage me. I do not know what the outcome of this exhibit will be but apart from everything I have learnt thus far, it is also amazing to see how much support is being poured over me and I couldn’t be more grateful.

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Art Practice Musings

A Cure for Perfectionism

When asked during job interviews about my weakness, I’d always answer perfectionism – something HR professionals would tell you not to do. It sounds too pretentious. Still, this would be my consistent answer.

My perfectionism has crippled me in the different stages of my life. It happens often when I want something so much I want everything to be perfect but it ends up my perfectionism becoming a roadblock because I won’t start anything unless I know all variables are controlled and that I have all sorts of information I think I need.

So yes, perfectionism is my weakness.

I have found, this time while preparing for my exhibit, that there is some sort of cure to perfectionism. The lack of resources and my sheer desire for this exhibit to happen has pushed all my perfectionism tendencies to the side.

In the past, I worked as a marketing professional for companies with marketing budgets, which I currently do not have much of. I had to think of the most cost-effective ways of marketing this event. I had to think of creative ways to spread the word about my upcoming exhibit. There was not enough room for perfectionism because things just had to be done. I have 2 months to complete all the preparations and marketing for the event. And with limited resources, financially and time-wise, some of my usual standards have to be let go.

So maybe limiting the resources and variables when doing a project is helpful. Making things simpler is helpful for recovering perfectionists like me.

Since this is my first time doing this in an industry totally unfamiliar to me, I know I definitely will make mistakes and that’s okay. I do not know what I do not know yet. This will be a learning experience for me and maybe for my next one, things will be better – better, not perfect.

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Art Practice Family Musings

Of Answered Prayers and Looking Back

In the Philippines, we have a saying that goes:

“Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan.”

He who does not look back from where he came will never reach his destination.

I had a conversation with one of my closest friends on my birthday. We talked about what’s been happening in our lives, the usual updates. She’s one of my closest friends whom I’ve known since my university days. She’s now moved to Canada while I’m here in New Zealand.

One of the things I mentioned to her was the exhibit I’m preparing for and how anxious I was over it. She then said who would have thought that I’d be able to do an exhibit, let alone in New Zealand! We both graduated with a Bachelor’s in Psychology so it was something we never would have imagined doing.

We then moved on to talking about being so privileged to be in the countries we are in now. In context, we both experienced hardships, especially during our university days because of our financial capacities at the time so moving to another country to live and work the way we do now was unimaginable.

This conversation prompted me to look back and think of all my answered prayers…

  • I once prayed for a God-fearing husband who will pursue big dreams with me
  • I once prayed for a joyful family
  • I once prayed for a purposeful life
  • I once prayed for a home of our own
  • I once prayed for an opportunity to pursue my passions

…and all these prayers have been answered. Some, I had to wait for quite a number of years, but still… We have come a long way and now is not the time to fear.

It was wonderful to look back. It kept me grounded and at the same time gives me hope that I have a faithful and generous God who keeps His promises. What a privilege to be pursuing dreams!

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Art Practice

Rug Tufting/ Punch Needling

I was wanting to take a break from painting after finishing my recent body of work but I was also looking for a way to continue creating. This was when I remembered punch needling.

I tried punch needling back in 2020 with a design from the shop where I bought my materials.

I remembered how quick it was to make and how fun it was “painting” with fibre. So I chose to do it again for my “break from painting”.

This one I made was my own design. I chose the colours from the yarn available to me.

It was going well, I thought. Until I realised that my cloth wasn’t stretched enough! Oh well, I continued my work still.

I quite liked the turnout of the design…

…then when I was supposed to finish the rug, it kept curling!

I read around and found that this happens when your loops are too dense. I plan to make another one! I purchased new materials so we’ll see how it goes next time!

I find it lovely that there are these avenues where I can continue creating when I want to take a break from a certain medium. Not sure if it helps my skills jumping from one medium to another but I enjoy it anyway!

My next creative journey for now is geared towards drawing and watercolour paintings. I wanted to do looser artworks and work on drawing experiments as well. Watch this space!

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 7

28 June 2022

My dearest Raphael,

I know you’ve been extra clingy the past two weeks because you were sick. Tonight was different, though. You held my face for the first time. You made sure I was beside you just before you slept.

I felt so loved, my child. It’s like my heart is bursting with so much happiness because I simply am your mum. It’s such a privilege to be entrusted with a child like you.

You are compassionate, cooperative, kind, and affectionate. I love seeing you grow.

I might have had doubts about being your mum, but those doubts seem so little now that I am getting to know you more.

I want to stay by your side for as long as I can, my son. You are my treasure. 

May you know and accept how loved you are – by us, your parents, by God, and by so many other people I can not even count.

You still have so much in store for you. For now, sleep well knowing that we are here and God’s angels are watching over you. May you dream wonderful dreams tonight.

Yours forever,

Mum

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 6

8 June 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

It has been a little more than a month since you were born. Those weeks have been really tough for your dad and me. Apart from my recovery and our adjustments to having you, life seemed to have thrown another curve ball, which is the long-awaited settlement of our home.

At the time I’m writing this, we are still in the process of waiting for my Kiwisaver to be processed and our home loan to be approved. I cannot begin to describe how mentally and physically draining these all are.

Somehow, in the midst of these issues, you have been the ray of sunshine who gives me reasons to hope and to continue fighting. Earlier this evening, as your dad and Milo did their normal evening walks, I somehow had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect you, of wanting to give you all the love I can possibly ever give.

I am surprised at how little you are yet how big your effect had been in our lives. I love you, my child. I hope you will grow knowing how loved and valuable you are to us. You have saved me in so many ways, my child. I have no words to describe how, you just did. I will forever be grateful for the gift of you.

Yours forever,

Mum

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Art Practice

Everybody’s Moved… but Me

I was inspired to create similar works from the The Days are Long painting I recently did. I’m honestly motivated to create a series exploring more on my postpartum journey using these skyscapes. And so this second work was born!

I called it Everybody’s Moved… but Me.

This was inspired mainly by my reaction to social media posts I’ve seen of my friends and acquaintances. Since mums of newborns don’t have much of a choice in terms of things to do, it’s easy to turn to one’s phone and scroll our time away. I was active and spent heaps of time outside the house prior to giving birth and so the sudden slow pace really got to me.

Seeing other people go about their normal routines is enough to make me super jealous. It felt like everything was as normal for the world I know and there I was watching everything go by. Everybody seemed to be moving… but me.

With the intention of this being a series, I used skyscapes, yet again, to illustrate this experience. I particularly like the colours I used here and making gradients through oils is such a satisfying experience!