Rapha was being stubborn this morning, which made me blurt out, “Do you want to see an angry Mummy?
To which he replied, “Want to see angry Rapha?”, in a matter-of-fact manner. 🤦♀️
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Tag: Family
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Kindy Life and Free Time
It has been almost two months since my son has started kindy. We are still both navigating this new stage—Rapha with his exhaustion from the day’s activities and me optimising the time on my hands.
Some highlights of him going to kindy:
- He made friends easily—there’s a boy and a girl who constantly play with him, but he gets along well with everyone. He prefers to play with kids older than him.
- I am now getting used to receiving incident reports from the kindy—all minor incidents—but it used to scare the heck out of me. Rapha is a very curious boy who likes experimenting, which gets him into situations where he gets hurt.
- He is asserting his independence more these days. Things like putting his clothes, socks, and shoes on, opening doors, getting his cutlery and plates from drawers, wipes for his nose and hands, and even putting on his seatbelt are all done by him exclusively these days. This means I need to prepare way ahead of time if we plan to get out of the house because everything just takes ages to get done.
- His vocabulary and sentence construction improved exponentially because of his exposure to older kids. He can form complete sentences and express what he wants and what he doesn’t want, which is a disadvantage for me sometimes because I now have to negotiate with a 2 1/2 year old, which is not impossible but can be frustrating at times.
- I have learnt to appreciate teachers more! Rapha’s teachers are kind and very knowledgeable. They constantly give observations about Rapha and some of the unique things they see about him. They worked with me at times when Rapha found it difficult to cope.
- I can now do groceries, do art, and swim by myself! I truly enjoy the freedom and the solitude. I get to enjoy a few hours of silence, and it refreshes me.
I am happy he was offered a spot in this specific kindy, even though it’s a bit of a drive from our place. Even the parents I’ve met are wonderful people. All the kids I’ve met are polite and happy. This kindy has provided a beautiful environment where my child can thrive.
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A Spring Surprise
Many of our family’s milestones since we arrived in New Zealand usually happen over the spring season. Someone once told me that spring always brings new life. I did not understand it then, but as the years went by, I eventually understood. Animals are born in spring. New leaves bud in spring. Signs of new beginnings are made more visible in spring.
This gets me excited for this specific season as it comes each year. This year, though, I wasn’t expecting a lot because I felt like I had everything I wanted and needed. Little did I know that one of my recent prayer intentions and persistent worries will come to an end as spring season starts! Rapha is finally offered a spot in kindy!!! An amazing answered prayer!
We were initially contacted by the kindy for a visit because Rapha was nearing the top of their waitlist. We set a date for the visit and went. During our visit, Rapha, once we were on the premises, let go of my hand and dove right in with the other kids to play. I couldn’t peel him off the place once I was done with the visit. One of the teachers and some of the kids had to help me so we could end our visit that day. I knew at that moment, he’s ready for this next adventure.
Once we got home, we immediately received an offer of a spot at that kindy for next term. We were offered a three-day week to start, which was exactly what we wanted. God is good! Another thing crossed off my ticklist!
I am now in the process of preparing things that Rapha will need… and of course, planning what to do with all that free time! I have a wishlist of things I want done, but I will need to manage the time and my expectations at the same time. At the top of my list is my art practice and my swimming sessions—it’s all so exciting! This is such a welcomed spring surprise!
As I picture Rapha being dropped off on his first day, I know he will be fine. I am confident of his growing independence. It won’t be him who cries, I’m 100% sure!
All my life, I have been used to recount bad days. It comes easy to me because I can easily make fun of my own misery. These days, however, I find myself becoming more aware of the good days.
In the past week, there have been several occasions where I just knew I was at the right place and the right time. As a change of pace, let me recount the ways God has been good to me.
Rapha has been doing swim classes since he was four months old. Since then, he has gained a lot of confidence in the water. He’s currently doing a level with kids his age but since he has been on the same level for quite a while now, he’s already getting bored of the routine. For his last class, they decided to promote him to the next level! This means he’ll get a more stimulating set of tasks he can sink his teeth into, and that excites me as a mum!
Apart from his swim classes, he only does Kindy Gym once a week, too, which leaves most of his days at home. Being a curious child, Rapha gets bored out of his mind some days. We have been waitlisted at the kindy near our place since he’s 1, but spots haven’t freed up yet. One mum from church mentioned to me that she’s been taking her son to playcentre now and it got me interested. She invited me to the playcentre where they go but I found the drive tiresome, so we went to the one closer to our home.
We just visited playcentre last week, but as soon as we went home, I enrolled Rapha immediately. He had a great day and the mums were very welcoming. It works for both Rapha and me because he gets to learn and socialise while I get to have adult conversations, which have become rare since I became a mum. One mum today was telling me about her and her kids’ routines when she mentioned about the school I was eyeing for Rapha to go to. From my experience waiting for a kindy, I wanted to secure a spot for Rapha the soonest I could, and the information she gave me was really valuable. I then rang the school, and we are now booked for an interview two weeks from now! What blessing!
Not only do I feel blessed in my family life, but I can see God honouring the little steps I take to further my art career.
Last year, one of the goals I’ve set for myself was to enter at least 3 group exhibitions or art awards for 2024. With that goal in mind, I allotted time and created artworks that I can enter. One of the upcoming exhibitions I am entering will be happening at our local museum/gallery, and the organisers were looking for local artists they can feature in their press release. I responded within hours after I received the message because I wouldn’t pass up this opportunity to put my name forward! They then confirmed that I would be included in the feature. My efforts are finally being noticed!
I have not achieved the outcomes in my vision yet, but it’s good to count the good things along the way. I want to commit them to memory because I am 100% sure these conversations and people I meet are not lucky coincidences, but it’s God placing me in the right situations at the right time. It’s a result of me working hand-in-hand with the God I trust will provide for me.
Maybe it’s in my solitude or just my everyday practice of silence, but it made me more sensitive to God’s movement in my life. I hope anyone who reads this may find their everyday sprinkling of God’s goodness, too!
With hopeful expectations, I came into motherhood thinking that, by my sheer willpower, nothing will change with my art practice. In my heart of hearts, I even thought I would nail all my roles with flying colours because I am soooooo good at juggling several things at a time.
Two years in, in full humility, I admit that I DID NOT nail all my roles. Nope. Nope. Nope.
I still put in the effort. I would say I do have an art practice. I make something almost everyday. I squeeze art in every single opportunity I get. However, things are not turning out the way I envisioned them to be. I still am not earning from art, not winning any awards, not qualifying for any of the known art shows here in NZ. Maybe it’s the economy, maybe it’s the market saturation of artists these days, or maybe now isn’t just my time yet—whatever the reason, I am not where I thought I’d be a couple years ago.
I am not in despair, though. I have readjusted my expectations of how my current world works. I am focusing on the things I can control.
First item I had to adjust my expectations for was childcare. I thought that when Rapha turns two, all I had to do was to decide to send him to kindy and as long as I was on a waitlist, all will be well. However, all is not well. Kindys are full. Rapha is on the 21st on the waitlist of the kindy which is a couple minutes’ walk from our place. He was on the waitlist since he was one year old. Even the ones which are a 5-10 minute drive ones are unavailable. I was on a limbo for a couple months until I decided I’ll just wait for the kindy near our place and if it never happens, then he’ll stay with me at home and we’ll find ways to make things work.
Second item is my expectation of earning from my art. It has always been the goal even when I didn’t even know what I was specifically selling. These days, I am focused on building a body of work I can stand behind. I do have a good number of artworks now, but I am not happy with them going out into the world yet, so I had to step back and aim to have an established process first and a body of work that I would be proud to show. In saying that, what I do these days is join group exhibits because it takes less work and still gives me an avenue to show some of my work.
With balancing the needs of a child and my art practice, I finally accepted that it is virtually impossible to do both at the same time. Case in point: this is my 5th attempt in 2 weeks to complete this blog entry. I just do not have enough hands for it, so instead of squeezing art during the day, I do it while he naps and once he sleeps at night. The need to watch over him to keep him alive is much more necessary these days because he’s a terrible two indeed.
The future is bright, though, because I have found ways to keep him busy these days. He has different sets of toys, art materials, and musical instruments he can explore during the day. All I need is to make it enjoyable enough for him to explore them independently.
This is all a phase, and until things free up more, I will stay here and enjoy the ride.
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Working Around Limitations
With my art, I love working with limitations, mainly because it grounds me. Limitations help me with art by shifting focus on a number of items and working creatively around them. Though it is useful for my art practice, I do not find limitations in my actual life fun.
As a mum to a very active toddler, I deal with several limitations myself:
Limited Time
These days, I manage to squeeze in more time for art, baking, and cooking. Rapha is more independent with play and exploration. Yet, I still do not have the luxury of long blocks of time as I had pre-motherhood. So what do I do? Adjust. I make quick acrylic paintings because acrylic paint dries easily. I do watercolour paintings because drying of paint on paper takes time and I can always go back to my paints without the fear of them drying out. I do the more intricate drawings at night when my child is fast asleep.
Limited Space
I love painting on canvas and I have a couple of stretcher bars waiting to be used but I do not have enough space to store big canvases at the moment so I chose to work with paper and thin boards right now. I have outgrown my studio space (aka my spare room in the house and a portion of my living room) so while I wait for my studio to be built, I will make art that my studio allows. I dream of doing bigger and freer forms of art but my current space cannot accommodate it but instead of going big, I will go deeper into my practice.
Limited Finances
It is a mutual decision of me and my husband to go single income while our child is in his developing years. We are blessed for him to have a stable job that can provide for us. We live comfortably, but we do not have a lot of surplus. These days, I am learning to use up the supplies and materials I have accumulated during the years when we had a lot of extras (being DINKs for about full four years when we moved to NZ).
We live frugally and save where we can so we can allot money for us to continue with this lifestyle. I am currently not selling my paintings because I do not have time to market them and make a full blown business off of it but I gift them to people who appreciate my art.
As a family, we have things we still pursue. As an individual, I am still holding on to my vision and my dreams and though I am faced with several limitations, I won’t stop moving. My steps may be really really tiny these days but they are steps nevertheless.
I am pretty stretched in this season of my life but every time I see how my son is developing, I remember why we have decided to do this in the first place. He is learning, growing, and thriving and I love that I can contribute to the best start he could ever have as a young person.
I believe that every season is its appointed time and I am soaking in everything that each season has to offer. When things start freeing up and when things are more abundant, I will look at this time with fondness and remember that though limitations are not fun, it can be an ally and spur me to growth.
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Chasing the Blues Away
The past few weeks have been really stressful to our family. There are some big ticket items that are still hanging and we’re not quite sure how to proceed. My husband had Covid and I am generally unhappy with the art I have been making.
I saw myself spiralling to old patterns – I’ve been binge shopping again, I had no interest in creating anything, and I have been doing productive but unnecessary housework. I felt no control over things but it’s good that I caught the pattern early on.
Yesterday, I decided to do a general cleaning at home. Every nooks and crannies of our home were dusted, wiped, vacuumed, or steamed. I put my hands on to something I can control and have an immediate good result. I needed to do an actual activity that will take me off my phone to avoid any temptations of online shopping and mindless scrolling. Today, our home is sparkling clean and I can feel I can breathe easier.
Early morning today, I went to the gym and completed my workout. I tidied up the kitchen when I went home and proceeded to write on this blog. I feel so accomplished. I feel like I’ve done some self-care and I am ready to face my frustrations with a different energy this time.
Overcoming mental barriers and even mental health issues takes active participation and I am glad I have learnt my patterns and have discovered ways I can deal with the ebb and flow of my emotions as they come.
If you are in the same position as I was several weeks ago, give yourself permission to do some self-care, however it looks for you.
For me, it’s cleaning my space, writing, exercising, praying, and reflecting. Something might still happen to upset me today but I know now how to somehow chase these blues away.
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My Identity as an Artist
The other day, I was thinking of what I am doing in general with my art practice. I’ve found that if I randomly create without any regard for the message I am putting out, my outputs seem confused and generally flat.
So I thought of identifying my overarching message that I am wanting to communicate or promote in my work. Apart from my identity as an artist mum, I am in the business of breaking chains.
Whether it be in the artworks or in the process of art-making, I am about breaking chains – of neglect, hurts, disappointments, brokenness.
At the time I wrote about this in my journal, my son was wanting to be carried, just because he wants to. I would normally be so annoyed because of the interruption but I welcomed it and wrote what I needed to in phases.
It starts early. I believe that if he grows secure that he is loved and valued, he gets the best start he can get.
This was also the reason why I chose to concentrate on certain mediums and processes that can accommodate these “interruptions” during the day. There’s an overflow of my home studio in every parts of the home so I can still easily get on the creative task when I have the time.
It’s such a sacrifice but the chains I’ve had has impacted me all my life and it’s the least part of my life I want to hand over to my son. Even these blogs are not too cohesive lately because I end it not when I want to but when I need to.
I hope that whatever I am doing in this area of breaking chains may inspire others and hopefully, inspire other parents/ families as well. A loving, healthy, kind, and generous society starts with a loving, healthy, kind, and generous home.
I have seen Howell, my husband, in several seasons of my life already. He has been a steady presence in our home. He has supported me and cheered me on whatever season in my life.
I have seen him transform from an officemate to a boyfriend, a husband, a sole provider, a father, and now my main cheerleader in my chosen career.
Howell is an engineer by profession so anything that has to do with measurements and implementing them is something I can entrust to him.
I’m at the latter stages of my preparation for the exhibit so it’s all about presentation and packaging and it honestly has overwhelmed me. I have never thought of these things and how much time and resources it takes to get them done when I’ve started doing these paintings.
And as someone who knows me well, he himself volunteered to help me out with planning and implementing the packaging, transportation, and even the installation of my paintings in the gallery. He knew how overwhelmed I can get doing tasks like these.
He is currently finishing packaging my paintings as I write this – he has used his holidays to help me out because he’s working full time.
My anxieties over how I was going to do those tasks can rest while I cover tasks related to marketing this event.
I am continuously surprised and amazed by how much he stretches himself to support and encourage me. I do not know what the outcome of this exhibit will be but apart from everything I have learnt thus far, it is also amazing to see how much support is being poured over me and I couldn’t be more grateful.
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In the Philippines, we have a saying that goes:
“Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan.”
He who does not look back from where he came will never reach his destination.
I had a conversation with one of my closest friends on my birthday. We talked about what’s been happening in our lives, the usual updates. She’s one of my closest friends whom I’ve known since my university days. She’s now moved to Canada while I’m here in New Zealand.
One of the things I mentioned to her was the exhibit I’m preparing for and how anxious I was over it. She then said who would have thought that I’d be able to do an exhibit, let alone in New Zealand! We both graduated with a Bachelor’s in Psychology so it was something we never would have imagined doing.
We then moved on to talking about being so privileged to be in the countries we are in now. In context, we both experienced hardships, especially during our university days because of our financial capacities at the time so moving to another country to live and work the way we do now was unimaginable.
This conversation prompted me to look back and think of all my answered prayers…
- I once prayed for a God-fearing husband who will pursue big dreams with me
- I once prayed for a joyful family
- I once prayed for a purposeful life
- I once prayed for a home of our own
- I once prayed for an opportunity to pursue my passions
…and all these prayers have been answered. Some, I had to wait for quite a number of years, but still… We have come a long way and now is not the time to fear.
It was wonderful to look back. It kept me grounded and at the same time gives me hope that I have a faithful and generous God who keeps His promises. What a privilege to be pursuing dreams!
HandsVentures NZ 