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Art Practice Family

My Identity as an Artist

The other day, I was thinking of what I am doing in general with my art practice. I’ve found that if I randomly create without any regard for the message I am putting out, my outputs seem confused and generally flat.

So I thought of identifying my overarching message that I am wanting to communicate or promote in my work. Apart from my identity as an artist mum, I am in the business of breaking chains.

Whether it be in the artworks or in the process of art-making, I am about breaking chains – of neglect, hurts, disappointments, brokenness.

At the time I wrote about this in my journal, my son was wanting to be carried, just because he wants to. I would normally be so annoyed because of the interruption but I welcomed it and wrote what I needed to in phases.

It starts early. I believe that if he grows secure that he is loved and valued, he gets the best start he can get.

This was also the reason why I chose to concentrate on certain mediums and processes that can accommodate these “interruptions” during the day. There’s an overflow of my home studio in every parts of the home so I can still easily get on the creative task when I have the time.

It’s such a sacrifice but the chains I’ve had has impacted me all my life and it’s the least part of my life I want to hand over to my son. Even these blogs are not too cohesive lately because I end it not when I want to but when I need to.

I hope that whatever I am doing in this area of breaking chains may inspire others and hopefully, inspire other parents/ families as well. A loving, healthy, kind, and generous society starts with a loving, healthy, kind, and generous home.

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Art Practice

Solo Show: The Aftermath

While my solo show was ongoing, I kept telling people I might take a 3-month hiatus after everything was done… how I wish I were wrong! Out of exhaustion and the shift to cold weather months, my family members took turns getting sick and here we are after three months!

I didn’t realise how tiring it can be – physically and mentally. But I’ve had three wonderful months to rest and am back now.

While I was on break, I took time to think about the direction I’m headed. I feel like my current skills are not at par with my vision yet and so I decided to focus on areas I really want to improve on.

I tried printmaking, painting, and drawing, experimenting with different mediums while on a break and from there picked on the practice I want to concentrate on.

My goal is to explore and find out what my art style is. I understand finding one’s art style isn’t a linear experience but starting somewhere and finding how I can best express myself would be a good place to start.

I chose drawing and painting – using watercolours, soft pastels, and acrylics for now. I have set up workstations around my home studio to accommodate my deep dive into these mediums.

I chose the media I enjoy working with the most as I think I can learn more by doing what I really like. I’ve talked to a New Zealand artist I really admire and she told me that focusing on a medium allows you to find deeper knowledge and mastery of it. I guess I’m done exploring materials for now and am geared towards getting to know my chosen materials more and experimenting with them.

In saying that, here are my recent explorations. Through these, I’ve found the gaps in my skills and have found my preferred ways of working, too. So I guess I’ll take it from there and push on with my art-ventures!

Oh, and I have finished the transcript for my next book! Just don’t know when I’ll find the time to start illustrating it!

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Art Practice Family Musings

The Wonders of a Supportive Partner

I have seen Howell, my husband, in several seasons of my life already. He has been a steady presence in our home. He has supported me and cheered me on whatever season in my life.

I have seen him transform from an officemate to a boyfriend, a husband, a sole provider, a father, and now my main cheerleader in my chosen career.

Howell is an engineer by profession so anything that has to do with measurements and implementing them is something I can entrust to him.

I’m at the latter stages of my preparation for the exhibit so it’s all about presentation and packaging and it honestly has overwhelmed me. I have never thought of these things and how much time and resources it takes to get them done when I’ve started doing these paintings.

And as someone who knows me well, he himself volunteered to help me out with planning and implementing the packaging, transportation, and even the installation of my paintings in the gallery. He knew how overwhelmed I can get doing tasks like these.

He is currently finishing packaging my paintings as I write this – he has used his holidays to help me out because he’s working full time.

My anxieties over how I was going to do those tasks can rest while I cover tasks related to marketing this event.

I am continuously surprised and amazed by how much he stretches himself to support and encourage me. I do not know what the outcome of this exhibit will be but apart from everything I have learnt thus far, it is also amazing to see how much support is being poured over me and I couldn’t be more grateful.

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Art Practice Musings

A Cure for Perfectionism

When asked during job interviews about my weakness, I’d always answer perfectionism – something HR professionals would tell you not to do. It sounds too pretentious. Still, this would be my consistent answer.

My perfectionism has crippled me in the different stages of my life. It happens often when I want something so much I want everything to be perfect but it ends up my perfectionism becoming a roadblock because I won’t start anything unless I know all variables are controlled and that I have all sorts of information I think I need.

So yes, perfectionism is my weakness.

I have found, this time while preparing for my exhibit, that there is some sort of cure to perfectionism. The lack of resources and my sheer desire for this exhibit to happen has pushed all my perfectionism tendencies to the side.

In the past, I worked as a marketing professional for companies with marketing budgets, which I currently do not have much of. I had to think of the most cost-effective ways of marketing this event. I had to think of creative ways to spread the word about my upcoming exhibit. There was not enough room for perfectionism because things just had to be done. I have 2 months to complete all the preparations and marketing for the event. And with limited resources, financially and time-wise, some of my usual standards have to be let go.

So maybe limiting the resources and variables when doing a project is helpful. Making things simpler is helpful for recovering perfectionists like me.

Since this is my first time doing this in an industry totally unfamiliar to me, I know I definitely will make mistakes and that’s okay. I do not know what I do not know yet. This will be a learning experience for me and maybe for my next one, things will be better – better, not perfect.

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Art Practice Family Musings

Of Answered Prayers and Looking Back

In the Philippines, we have a saying that goes:

“Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan.”

He who does not look back from where he came will never reach his destination.

I had a conversation with one of my closest friends on my birthday. We talked about what’s been happening in our lives, the usual updates. She’s one of my closest friends whom I’ve known since my university days. She’s now moved to Canada while I’m here in New Zealand.

One of the things I mentioned to her was the exhibit I’m preparing for and how anxious I was over it. She then said who would have thought that I’d be able to do an exhibit, let alone in New Zealand! We both graduated with a Bachelor’s in Psychology so it was something we never would have imagined doing.

We then moved on to talking about being so privileged to be in the countries we are in now. In context, we both experienced hardships, especially during our university days because of our financial capacities at the time so moving to another country to live and work the way we do now was unimaginable.

This conversation prompted me to look back and think of all my answered prayers…

  • I once prayed for a God-fearing husband who will pursue big dreams with me
  • I once prayed for a joyful family
  • I once prayed for a purposeful life
  • I once prayed for a home of our own
  • I once prayed for an opportunity to pursue my passions

…and all these prayers have been answered. Some, I had to wait for quite a number of years, but still… We have come a long way and now is not the time to fear.

It was wonderful to look back. It kept me grounded and at the same time gives me hope that I have a faithful and generous God who keeps His promises. What a privilege to be pursuing dreams!

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Art Practice

Rug Tufting/ Punch Needling

I was wanting to take a break from painting after finishing my recent body of work but I was also looking for a way to continue creating. This was when I remembered punch needling.

I tried punch needling back in 2020 with a design from the shop where I bought my materials.

I remembered how quick it was to make and how fun it was “painting” with fibre. So I chose to do it again for my “break from painting”.

This one I made was my own design. I chose the colours from the yarn available to me.

It was going well, I thought. Until I realised that my cloth wasn’t stretched enough! Oh well, I continued my work still.

I quite liked the turnout of the design…

…then when I was supposed to finish the rug, it kept curling!

I read around and found that this happens when your loops are too dense. I plan to make another one! I purchased new materials so we’ll see how it goes next time!

I find it lovely that there are these avenues where I can continue creating when I want to take a break from a certain medium. Not sure if it helps my skills jumping from one medium to another but I enjoy it anyway!

My next creative journey for now is geared towards drawing and watercolour paintings. I wanted to do looser artworks and work on drawing experiments as well. Watch this space!

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Art Practice Musings

What’s for 2023?

What’s for 2023?

For 2023, I have set certain goals that are non-negotiable. I have done the initial work in 2022 and would just need to follow through the plan. One of the things I set out to do this year is to go out and show my work, in every way possible.

The first bold goal is to start with a solo show and this is how it’s going so far.

*Body of work is complete, just adding some personal touches to it

*Since body of work was finished December last year, I have no venue whatsoever for the show but I wanted to do one nearer Mother’s day because that’s what the work’s message revolves upon

*Most of the spaces available are taken for May so I’m exhausting every possible resource I have to find a venue that might still be available

Now here’s the thing. I’ve been in marketing for quite a while before I had my baby so I know how much work needs to be done. Doesn’t matter, though, because I know how to market it.

The thing is, the things I used to market were things/ experiences I firmly believe in and as an emerging artist, I have doubts and heaps of them! I have doubts about the product I am selling, of all things! Now I’m staring fear in the eye and I’ve been having conversations with it – sometimes I win, and oftentimes, I cave in.

What’ll happen next, then? I don’t really know.

What I know is this: I’ve never wanted anything this bad I’m willing to get rejected and/or judged because of it. I want to be an artist and I know I can do so much more if only I was brave enough to barrel through these roadblocks.

It’s not even been a week, 2023. Good thing my son has been teaching me perseverance so it doesn’t matter if I fail. I will try again and I will learn. Over. And over. And over.

So what’s for 2023? Exciting things! Scary things! Bold things! Faith-challenging things! Ready or not, here they come!

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Art Practice

Everybody’s Moved… but Me

I was inspired to create similar works from the The Days are Long painting I recently did. I’m honestly motivated to create a series exploring more on my postpartum journey using these skyscapes. And so this second work was born!

I called it Everybody’s Moved… but Me.

This was inspired mainly by my reaction to social media posts I’ve seen of my friends and acquaintances. Since mums of newborns don’t have much of a choice in terms of things to do, it’s easy to turn to one’s phone and scroll our time away. I was active and spent heaps of time outside the house prior to giving birth and so the sudden slow pace really got to me.

Seeing other people go about their normal routines is enough to make me super jealous. It felt like everything was as normal for the world I know and there I was watching everything go by. Everybody seemed to be moving… but me.

With the intention of this being a series, I used skyscapes, yet again, to illustrate this experience. I particularly like the colours I used here and making gradients through oils is such a satisfying experience!

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Art Practice Family

My Recent Work: The Days are Long

The Days are Long, Triptych 16 “x 20”, oil on canvas

Prior to giving birth, I was working on a printmaking project which I never completed. It is a detailed piece which I never had the capacity to complete when I gave birth.

Within three months postpartum, I still was not able to create so I chose to take photos of the things around me when I can. One of the type of photos I took were of the skyscapes that can be viewed from our glass doors.

On my fourth month postpartum, I had more time to think about what I wanted to do. I wanted to process the beautiful photos of skyscapes I took so I experimented on a number of things and settled on painting it.

My recent work is a triptych oil painting on canvas. I have dabbled with oils several times but it’s just now that I’ve done a proper piece with it. It works well with my process since I usually work when baby is down on his day naps so oils suit because I can just leave the paint and resume work when possible.

The Days are Long explores my postpartum experience. The heavy, dark borders appeal to the sense of being boxed in. The black and white illustrative lines contrast with the bold colours and strokes of the skyscape. This depicts the stark contrast of the dullness of staying put at home and the colourful world right before me. The different skyscape styles and colours indicate the passage of time. It seemed during those months that my life was at a standstill while I watch the world go by.

I am writing this six months postpartum and things have already changed. It’s amazing to look back at this experience and see that things do improve. The days feel long but my wee one is becoming more independent day by day. It is wonderful to have an avenue to record these experiences and I would love to create more of them in the coming months.

What did you think of this piece? Any constructive feedback is welcome!

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Art Practice Musings

Organisation and Consistency in Art-Making

I used to think that being organised belonged exclusively to the corporate world. When I started taking art seriously, I never bothered to organise because there is the common notion that artists are disorganised and work “freely” without any sort of pattern or routine. All these changed when I became a mum…

I can now only do art or write in short windows of time unlike the long stretches of hours I used to have when I didn’t have a child yet. I had to make certain adjustments to make this work.

Choose doable projects suitable for the way I work.. for now.

I have a pipeline of work I wanted to get done but I realised because of all the constraints I have, I should choose the most doable ones for now, just to still have a sense of satisfaction in creating. I still have a printmaking project needing to get done but it was just too detailed. I am not able to get physically close to the projects I am making because I usually have a baby in my arms so projects like those would need to be parked for now.

I can pursue the more complicated stuff in the future, when bubba is more independent thaan he is now.

Set limits on the materials you use

It’s amazing what putting limits can do. With me, once my parameters for working and the materials I am working with are set, I become freer to create. Putting limits allows me to focus on the task at hand and not be mesmerised by the possibilities all my tools and materials promise. It also gives my physical space to work because I won’t have to deal with the clutter of working with several mediums at a time.

Have tasks broken down into small chunks

This comes in handy for when baby is napping. I can just run to my workspace and get things done. It would be another layer of work if I come into my workspace not knowing exactly what needs to get done so if I already have a list of tasks just waiting to be accomplished, it’s easier to get things moving and tick things off my list.

Have your thoughts/ organisecd in one space for easy reference

I used to have several notebooks for different types of projects and/or ideas but it just isn’t practical to have those now. A visual diary which is with me ALL the time is useful so I can jot down or sketch all my ideas and find them in one place instead of combing through different notebooks/ sketchpads.

Pack away materials and equipment as soon as a project is done

So clutter does not accumulate and you’ll have plenty of space to work on your next one. I used to miss out on this task because there would “always be another day” to clean my mess but that’s just adding on to my endless list of to dos if I don’t get it done straight away.

Accept that you may not be working in the studio exclusively

My home studio used to be my exclusive working space because I hate clutter in other parts of the house but I’ve learned to accept that my whole home is my work space for now because it’s how I get more done. My painting stuff are in the living room, my sketching materials are lying on our coffee table, and I am currently writing this on our dining table. It is what it is!

Show up

Some days I find myself wanting to just lounge around but because all my materials are at arm’s length, I can quickly get something done. I haven’t done a lot that I am proud of recently, but I get things done nevertheless. It’s so tough pausing and then getting back to creating – I felt like I lost all the skills I’ve built upon in the last years because of the 4 months I was not creating. Now I’ve decided to just show up. I allot at least 4 hours broken into my day to create. It may be quick sketches or just a layer of primer on my canvas but I do it anyway. Helps me to have a continuous art practice which adds to my repertoire of skills.

Have hope that things do change

My son used to sleep on my arms for the most part of the day, now I can leave him for his day naps for at least 30 minutes to 2 hours. My way of working has changed together with the changes my son is experiencing.

In saying that, an artist mum should be flexible readjusting the way she works depending on the stage of development her child is in. I, for one, am, looking forward to the day I can start creating art with him!

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