Category: Art Practice

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Art Practice Family Musings

Chasing the Blues Away

The past few weeks have been really stressful to our family. There are some big ticket items that are still hanging and we’re not quite sure how to proceed. My husband had Covid and I am generally unhappy with the art I have been making.

I saw myself spiralling to old patterns – I’ve been binge shopping again, I had no interest in creating anything, and I have been doing productive but unnecessary housework. I felt no control over things but it’s good that I caught the pattern early on.

Yesterday, I decided to do a general cleaning at home. Every nooks and crannies of our home were dusted, wiped, vacuumed, or steamed. I put my hands on to something I can control and have an immediate good result. I needed to do an actual activity that will take me off my phone to avoid any temptations of online shopping and mindless scrolling. Today, our home is sparkling clean and I can feel I can breathe easier.

Early morning today, I went to the gym and completed my workout. I tidied up the kitchen when I went home and proceeded to write on this blog. I feel so accomplished. I feel like I’ve done some self-care and I am ready to face my frustrations with a different energy this time.

Overcoming mental barriers and even mental health issues takes active participation and I am glad I have learnt my patterns and have discovered ways I can deal with the ebb and flow of my emotions as they come.

If you are in the same position as I was several weeks ago, give yourself permission to do some self-care, however it looks for you.

For me, it’s cleaning my space, writing, exercising, praying, and reflecting. Something might still happen to upset me today but I know now how to somehow chase these blues away.

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Art Practice Musings

Art on Pause While on Sourdough Therapy

I hit a wall with my art for approximately 3 months now. I rarely liked what I have been creating so I decided to take a break. There was a lot of internal pressure to find my own art style and to generate income from it, which absolutely no one else required from me.

My dissatisfaction led me to find something I can get my hands on while I nurse my wounded ego, thus I turned to sourdough. I have tried several times to make my own sourdough starter and sourdough bread from it on and off for several years now but never really succeeded.

Our family loves bread and I have a Type 2 Diabetes I am trying to manage. Sourdough caught my attention because it is a healthier alternative to commercially produced breads. Apart from that, buying gears and kitchen equipment is so therapeutic for me!

I currently have a 3-week old starter housed in a Brod and Taylor Sourdough Home. I have made 4 sourdough discard loaves and a brioche loaf from it. My sourdough discard loaves were wonderful but my brioche was dense, mainly because I substituted the flour required from the recipe hahaha.

Making sourdough starter and bread from it seems to have heaps of rules I need to follow. I love this because in following a specific set of rules, I get the outcome I expect. It is a mix of rules and of continuous adjustment because each sourdough starter is unique. It has helped me be more flexible in terms of expectations and just learning to adjust with the changes needed every time my starter acts up. My starter is a bit more stable now so all the efforts paid off. Now on to my bread making journey!

Having a hobby outside art has been helping me lately. I have been generating ideas for possible projects. Also just realigning my head as to where I want my art journey to go. I hope to regain that freedom to create what I want without expecting too much from it. In the meantime, my creativity is directed towards breadmaking and hopefully, I may get over or better yet, break the wall I hit with my art very, very soon.

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Art Practice Family

My Identity as an Artist

The other day, I was thinking of what I am doing in general with my art practice. I’ve found that if I randomly create without any regard for the message I am putting out, my outputs seem confused and generally flat.

So I thought of identifying my overarching message that I am wanting to communicate or promote in my work. Apart from my identity as an artist mum, I am in the business of breaking chains.

Whether it be in the artworks or in the process of art-making, I am about breaking chains – of neglect, hurts, disappointments, brokenness.

At the time I wrote about this in my journal, my son was wanting to be carried, just because he wants to. I would normally be so annoyed because of the interruption but I welcomed it and wrote what I needed to in phases.

It starts early. I believe that if he grows secure that he is loved and valued, he gets the best start he can get.

This was also the reason why I chose to concentrate on certain mediums and processes that can accommodate these “interruptions” during the day. There’s an overflow of my home studio in every parts of the home so I can still easily get on the creative task when I have the time.

It’s such a sacrifice but the chains I’ve had has impacted me all my life and it’s the least part of my life I want to hand over to my son. Even these blogs are not too cohesive lately because I end it not when I want to but when I need to.

I hope that whatever I am doing in this area of breaking chains may inspire others and hopefully, inspire other parents/ families as well. A loving, healthy, kind, and generous society starts with a loving, healthy, kind, and generous home.

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Art Practice

Solo Show: The Aftermath

While my solo show was ongoing, I kept telling people I might take a 3-month hiatus after everything was done… how I wish I were wrong! Out of exhaustion and the shift to cold weather months, my family members took turns getting sick and here we are after three months!

I didn’t realise how tiring it can be – physically and mentally. But I’ve had three wonderful months to rest and am back now.

While I was on break, I took time to think about the direction I’m headed. I feel like my current skills are not at par with my vision yet and so I decided to focus on areas I really want to improve on.

I tried printmaking, painting, and drawing, experimenting with different mediums while on a break and from there picked on the practice I want to concentrate on.

My goal is to explore and find out what my art style is. I understand finding one’s art style isn’t a linear experience but starting somewhere and finding how I can best express myself would be a good place to start.

I chose drawing and painting – using watercolours, soft pastels, and acrylics for now. I have set up workstations around my home studio to accommodate my deep dive into these mediums.

I chose the media I enjoy working with the most as I think I can learn more by doing what I really like. I’ve talked to a New Zealand artist I really admire and she told me that focusing on a medium allows you to find deeper knowledge and mastery of it. I guess I’m done exploring materials for now and am geared towards getting to know my chosen materials more and experimenting with them.

In saying that, here are my recent explorations. Through these, I’ve found the gaps in my skills and have found my preferred ways of working, too. So I guess I’ll take it from there and push on with my art-ventures!

Oh, and I have finished the transcript for my next book! Just don’t know when I’ll find the time to start illustrating it!

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Art Practice

Through the Looking Glass: Experience and Learnings

It has been a week since Through the Looking Glass Exhibition ended. My experience of my first solo show gave me insights and possible improvements to my next one. It was very exciting to have had this kind of opportunity.

I finished all the paintings in December of 2022 and started applying for venues in January 2023. I was only accepted in March, which gave me less than 2 months of preparation time. Preparation includes framing, preparing for labels, marketing, and distributing marketing materials. Howell helped me out which made this short preparation possible. For next time, I would maybe allot at least half a year for preparations so it doesn’t stress me out.

For the installation of the artworks, I initially planned to hire an installation assistant but the guy I was after was not available for the whole month of May so it was up to Howell and I to hang the paintings in the gallery. Te Auaha lent us a laser level which was a lifesaver for us. As this was the first time we were doing this, it took us quite a while to get it done (approximately 6 hours). One huge difficulty we had was entertaining Rapha during these 6 hours. He is quite a cooperative little bubba so the experience was not too bad. It was just physically taxing helping out with the installation with a baby in tow.

For the next one, I will definitely be hiring an installation assistant, who is more knowledgeable and efficient in doing this type of job.

I did not have to be present at the gallery throughout the exhibition, which was a good deal since I did not have the capability for daily travel to the city. However, I initially wanted to pop by every day, which I found, sooner, was not possible. A few days into the show, I instantly got the flu from exhaustion and so the daily visits became impossible. I also did not foresee the difficulties of eating proper food on time, finding time to continue my exercise routines and having ample time for rest. All these factors compounded had me constantly sick throughout the exhibit so I’d need to be more proactive in preparing for these items next time.

Notwithstanding all these difficulties, we were able to pull things through and it was such a wonderful experience to be seeing people appreciate the work I did. I was able to speak to most of the visitors present during my visits. Most of them particularly liked the stories that came with the paintings. It was also heartwarming seeing friends and family visit. I did not have an opening event this time because I feel unequipped to have one but would be a brilliant idea for next time.

It was a wonderful turnout altogether. I sold 1 oil painting and 2 watercolour paintings – all purchased by friends and family. It was a good first solo show and I am looking forward to my next one.

For now, I will continue improving on my craft, experiment further, and just continue having fun creating!

P.S. If anyone is willing to do maybe a group show would me, I’d be so keen!

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Art Practice Family Musings

The Wonders of a Supportive Partner

I have seen Howell, my husband, in several seasons of my life already. He has been a steady presence in our home. He has supported me and cheered me on whatever season in my life.

I have seen him transform from an officemate to a boyfriend, a husband, a sole provider, a father, and now my main cheerleader in my chosen career.

Howell is an engineer by profession so anything that has to do with measurements and implementing them is something I can entrust to him.

I’m at the latter stages of my preparation for the exhibit so it’s all about presentation and packaging and it honestly has overwhelmed me. I have never thought of these things and how much time and resources it takes to get them done when I’ve started doing these paintings.

And as someone who knows me well, he himself volunteered to help me out with planning and implementing the packaging, transportation, and even the installation of my paintings in the gallery. He knew how overwhelmed I can get doing tasks like these.

He is currently finishing packaging my paintings as I write this – he has used his holidays to help me out because he’s working full time.

My anxieties over how I was going to do those tasks can rest while I cover tasks related to marketing this event.

I am continuously surprised and amazed by how much he stretches himself to support and encourage me. I do not know what the outcome of this exhibit will be but apart from everything I have learnt thus far, it is also amazing to see how much support is being poured over me and I couldn’t be more grateful.

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Art Practice Musings

A Cure for Perfectionism

When asked during job interviews about my weakness, I’d always answer perfectionism – something HR professionals would tell you not to do. It sounds too pretentious. Still, this would be my consistent answer.

My perfectionism has crippled me in the different stages of my life. It happens often when I want something so much I want everything to be perfect but it ends up my perfectionism becoming a roadblock because I won’t start anything unless I know all variables are controlled and that I have all sorts of information I think I need.

So yes, perfectionism is my weakness.

I have found, this time while preparing for my exhibit, that there is some sort of cure to perfectionism. The lack of resources and my sheer desire for this exhibit to happen has pushed all my perfectionism tendencies to the side.

In the past, I worked as a marketing professional for companies with marketing budgets, which I currently do not have much of. I had to think of the most cost-effective ways of marketing this event. I had to think of creative ways to spread the word about my upcoming exhibit. There was not enough room for perfectionism because things just had to be done. I have 2 months to complete all the preparations and marketing for the event. And with limited resources, financially and time-wise, some of my usual standards have to be let go.

So maybe limiting the resources and variables when doing a project is helpful. Making things simpler is helpful for recovering perfectionists like me.

Since this is my first time doing this in an industry totally unfamiliar to me, I know I definitely will make mistakes and that’s okay. I do not know what I do not know yet. This will be a learning experience for me and maybe for my next one, things will be better – better, not perfect.

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Art Practice Family Musings

Of Answered Prayers and Looking Back

In the Philippines, we have a saying that goes:

“Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan.”

He who does not look back from where he came will never reach his destination.

I had a conversation with one of my closest friends on my birthday. We talked about what’s been happening in our lives, the usual updates. She’s one of my closest friends whom I’ve known since my university days. She’s now moved to Canada while I’m here in New Zealand.

One of the things I mentioned to her was the exhibit I’m preparing for and how anxious I was over it. She then said who would have thought that I’d be able to do an exhibit, let alone in New Zealand! We both graduated with a Bachelor’s in Psychology so it was something we never would have imagined doing.

We then moved on to talking about being so privileged to be in the countries we are in now. In context, we both experienced hardships, especially during our university days because of our financial capacities at the time so moving to another country to live and work the way we do now was unimaginable.

This conversation prompted me to look back and think of all my answered prayers…

  • I once prayed for a God-fearing husband who will pursue big dreams with me
  • I once prayed for a joyful family
  • I once prayed for a purposeful life
  • I once prayed for a home of our own
  • I once prayed for an opportunity to pursue my passions

…and all these prayers have been answered. Some, I had to wait for quite a number of years, but still… We have come a long way and now is not the time to fear.

It was wonderful to look back. It kept me grounded and at the same time gives me hope that I have a faithful and generous God who keeps His promises. What a privilege to be pursuing dreams!

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Art Practice Family

So…What do you do?

I get questions like this these days and it’s honestly a complex question there’s no one answer to.

I get asked when I’m coming back to work and if not soon, when? I know the people who have asked me meant well but I just find it difficult to give answers.

So I decided to write this to clarify this question even for myself.

I worked as a Marketing Manager for four years and had my online K-beauty products shop but decided to close shop upon learning of my pregnancy.

These days, I can always say I am an artist. I am, however, a bit uncomfortable with that label (but maybe just a case of imposter syndrome) as I have not been earning since I gave birth.

So what do I do?

Let me start with my what and why.

The biggest roles I have for now are a wife and a mum as I have an almost 10-month-old adorable boy at the time of writing. It has been a deliberate decision for me to stay home and work fully from home so that I can 100% focus on raising our little bubba. It is uncommon these days because of the economic climate but my husband earns enough and I am very prudent with my expenditures.

On a daily basis, I am, for the most part, a mum. However, I chose to continue pursuing my dreams in spite of this extremely busy period of my life.

So what work do I do? Currently, I am building a career in arts and am studying further for another art-related career so that I do not have to 100% rely on selling artworks for a living.

One of the big projects I am working on this year is my solo show which runs from the 11th to the 16th of May. The exhibition is an exploration of my postpartum experiences and how I have chosen to move forward and continue living my dream life. Having a child shouldn’t be a roadblock for women to pursue their passions. I am looking forward to a future with empowered mums and I am hoping to contribute to building that future.

As for my solo show, keep your eyes peeled on this space for further details! This is such an exciting and anxiety-inducing endeavour but I know it will be worth it!

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Art Practice

Rug Tufting/ Punch Needling

I was wanting to take a break from painting after finishing my recent body of work but I was also looking for a way to continue creating. This was when I remembered punch needling.

I tried punch needling back in 2020 with a design from the shop where I bought my materials.

I remembered how quick it was to make and how fun it was “painting” with fibre. So I chose to do it again for my “break from painting”.

This one I made was my own design. I chose the colours from the yarn available to me.

It was going well, I thought. Until I realised that my cloth wasn’t stretched enough! Oh well, I continued my work still.

I quite liked the turnout of the design…

…then when I was supposed to finish the rug, it kept curling!

I read around and found that this happens when your loops are too dense. I plan to make another one! I purchased new materials so we’ll see how it goes next time!

I find it lovely that there are these avenues where I can continue creating when I want to take a break from a certain medium. Not sure if it helps my skills jumping from one medium to another but I enjoy it anyway!

My next creative journey for now is geared towards drawing and watercolour paintings. I wanted to do looser artworks and work on drawing experiments as well. Watch this space!

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