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Art Practice Family Musings

The Wonders of a Supportive Partner

I have seen Howell, my husband, in several seasons of my life already. He has been a steady presence in our home. He has supported me and cheered me on whatever season in my life.

I have seen him transform from an officemate to a boyfriend, a husband, a sole provider, a father, and now my main cheerleader in my chosen career.

Howell is an engineer by profession so anything that has to do with measurements and implementing them is something I can entrust to him.

I’m at the latter stages of my preparation for the exhibit so it’s all about presentation and packaging and it honestly has overwhelmed me. I have never thought of these things and how much time and resources it takes to get them done when I’ve started doing these paintings.

And as someone who knows me well, he himself volunteered to help me out with planning and implementing the packaging, transportation, and even the installation of my paintings in the gallery. He knew how overwhelmed I can get doing tasks like these.

He is currently finishing packaging my paintings as I write this – he has used his holidays to help me out because he’s working full time.

My anxieties over how I was going to do those tasks can rest while I cover tasks related to marketing this event.

I am continuously surprised and amazed by how much he stretches himself to support and encourage me. I do not know what the outcome of this exhibit will be but apart from everything I have learnt thus far, it is also amazing to see how much support is being poured over me and I couldn’t be more grateful.

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Art Practice Musings

A Cure for Perfectionism

When asked during job interviews about my weakness, I’d always answer perfectionism – something HR professionals would tell you not to do. It sounds too pretentious. Still, this would be my consistent answer.

My perfectionism has crippled me in the different stages of my life. It happens often when I want something so much I want everything to be perfect but it ends up my perfectionism becoming a roadblock because I won’t start anything unless I know all variables are controlled and that I have all sorts of information I think I need.

So yes, perfectionism is my weakness.

I have found, this time while preparing for my exhibit, that there is some sort of cure to perfectionism. The lack of resources and my sheer desire for this exhibit to happen has pushed all my perfectionism tendencies to the side.

In the past, I worked as a marketing professional for companies with marketing budgets, which I currently do not have much of. I had to think of the most cost-effective ways of marketing this event. I had to think of creative ways to spread the word about my upcoming exhibit. There was not enough room for perfectionism because things just had to be done. I have 2 months to complete all the preparations and marketing for the event. And with limited resources, financially and time-wise, some of my usual standards have to be let go.

So maybe limiting the resources and variables when doing a project is helpful. Making things simpler is helpful for recovering perfectionists like me.

Since this is my first time doing this in an industry totally unfamiliar to me, I know I definitely will make mistakes and that’s okay. I do not know what I do not know yet. This will be a learning experience for me and maybe for my next one, things will be better – better, not perfect.

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Art Practice Family Musings

Of Answered Prayers and Looking Back

In the Philippines, we have a saying that goes:

“Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan.”

He who does not look back from where he came will never reach his destination.

I had a conversation with one of my closest friends on my birthday. We talked about what’s been happening in our lives, the usual updates. She’s one of my closest friends whom I’ve known since my university days. She’s now moved to Canada while I’m here in New Zealand.

One of the things I mentioned to her was the exhibit I’m preparing for and how anxious I was over it. She then said who would have thought that I’d be able to do an exhibit, let alone in New Zealand! We both graduated with a Bachelor’s in Psychology so it was something we never would have imagined doing.

We then moved on to talking about being so privileged to be in the countries we are in now. In context, we both experienced hardships, especially during our university days because of our financial capacities at the time so moving to another country to live and work the way we do now was unimaginable.

This conversation prompted me to look back and think of all my answered prayers…

  • I once prayed for a God-fearing husband who will pursue big dreams with me
  • I once prayed for a joyful family
  • I once prayed for a purposeful life
  • I once prayed for a home of our own
  • I once prayed for an opportunity to pursue my passions

…and all these prayers have been answered. Some, I had to wait for quite a number of years, but still… We have come a long way and now is not the time to fear.

It was wonderful to look back. It kept me grounded and at the same time gives me hope that I have a faithful and generous God who keeps His promises. What a privilege to be pursuing dreams!

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Art Practice Family

So…What do you do?

I get questions like this these days and it’s honestly a complex question there’s no one answer to.

I get asked when I’m coming back to work and if not soon, when? I know the people who have asked me meant well but I just find it difficult to give answers.

So I decided to write this to clarify this question even for myself.

I worked as a Marketing Manager for four years and had my online K-beauty products shop but decided to close shop upon learning of my pregnancy.

These days, I can always say I am an artist. I am, however, a bit uncomfortable with that label (but maybe just a case of imposter syndrome) as I have not been earning since I gave birth.

So what do I do?

Let me start with my what and why.

The biggest roles I have for now are a wife and a mum as I have an almost 10-month-old adorable boy at the time of writing. It has been a deliberate decision for me to stay home and work fully from home so that I can 100% focus on raising our little bubba. It is uncommon these days because of the economic climate but my husband earns enough and I am very prudent with my expenditures.

On a daily basis, I am, for the most part, a mum. However, I chose to continue pursuing my dreams in spite of this extremely busy period of my life.

So what work do I do? Currently, I am building a career in arts and am studying further for another art-related career so that I do not have to 100% rely on selling artworks for a living.

One of the big projects I am working on this year is my solo show which runs from the 11th to the 16th of May. The exhibition is an exploration of my postpartum experiences and how I have chosen to move forward and continue living my dream life. Having a child shouldn’t be a roadblock for women to pursue their passions. I am looking forward to a future with empowered mums and I am hoping to contribute to building that future.

As for my solo show, keep your eyes peeled on this space for further details! This is such an exciting and anxiety-inducing endeavour but I know it will be worth it!

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Art Practice

Rug Tufting/ Punch Needling

I was wanting to take a break from painting after finishing my recent body of work but I was also looking for a way to continue creating. This was when I remembered punch needling.

I tried punch needling back in 2020 with a design from the shop where I bought my materials.

I remembered how quick it was to make and how fun it was “painting” with fibre. So I chose to do it again for my “break from painting”.

This one I made was my own design. I chose the colours from the yarn available to me.

It was going well, I thought. Until I realised that my cloth wasn’t stretched enough! Oh well, I continued my work still.

I quite liked the turnout of the design…

…then when I was supposed to finish the rug, it kept curling!

I read around and found that this happens when your loops are too dense. I plan to make another one! I purchased new materials so we’ll see how it goes next time!

I find it lovely that there are these avenues where I can continue creating when I want to take a break from a certain medium. Not sure if it helps my skills jumping from one medium to another but I enjoy it anyway!

My next creative journey for now is geared towards drawing and watercolour paintings. I wanted to do looser artworks and work on drawing experiments as well. Watch this space!

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Art Practice Musings

What’s for 2023?

What’s for 2023?

For 2023, I have set certain goals that are non-negotiable. I have done the initial work in 2022 and would just need to follow through the plan. One of the things I set out to do this year is to go out and show my work, in every way possible.

The first bold goal is to start with a solo show and this is how it’s going so far.

*Body of work is complete, just adding some personal touches to it

*Since body of work was finished December last year, I have no venue whatsoever for the show but I wanted to do one nearer Mother’s day because that’s what the work’s message revolves upon

*Most of the spaces available are taken for May so I’m exhausting every possible resource I have to find a venue that might still be available

Now here’s the thing. I’ve been in marketing for quite a while before I had my baby so I know how much work needs to be done. Doesn’t matter, though, because I know how to market it.

The thing is, the things I used to market were things/ experiences I firmly believe in and as an emerging artist, I have doubts and heaps of them! I have doubts about the product I am selling, of all things! Now I’m staring fear in the eye and I’ve been having conversations with it – sometimes I win, and oftentimes, I cave in.

What’ll happen next, then? I don’t really know.

What I know is this: I’ve never wanted anything this bad I’m willing to get rejected and/or judged because of it. I want to be an artist and I know I can do so much more if only I was brave enough to barrel through these roadblocks.

It’s not even been a week, 2023. Good thing my son has been teaching me perseverance so it doesn’t matter if I fail. I will try again and I will learn. Over. And over. And over.

So what’s for 2023? Exciting things! Scary things! Bold things! Faith-challenging things! Ready or not, here they come!

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 7

28 June 2022

My dearest Raphael,

I know you’ve been extra clingy the past two weeks because you were sick. Tonight was different, though. You held my face for the first time. You made sure I was beside you just before you slept.

I felt so loved, my child. It’s like my heart is bursting with so much happiness because I simply am your mum. It’s such a privilege to be entrusted with a child like you.

You are compassionate, cooperative, kind, and affectionate. I love seeing you grow.

I might have had doubts about being your mum, but those doubts seem so little now that I am getting to know you more.

I want to stay by your side for as long as I can, my son. You are my treasure. 

May you know and accept how loved you are – by us, your parents, by God, and by so many other people I can not even count.

You still have so much in store for you. For now, sleep well knowing that we are here and God’s angels are watching over you. May you dream wonderful dreams tonight.

Yours forever,

Mum

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Musings

Insights from Emails

These days, I’ve been organising my emails on my phone during idle times of the day when I’m just looking after Rapha while he’s playing.

Why am I doing this and why am I doing this the long way?

*To have a bigger view of what has happened in the past years. These were years where we experienced milestone upon milestone and it’s good to look back on what we did right, even if that means seeing things and messages that remind me of the ugly parts of these years.

*Building the habit of purging and simplifying things. As a new mum, direct, simple, doable tasks are recommended. I am honestly baffled by my wonderful skill of complicating simple things. I am slowly learning what simple looks like because of this process. Having a clean break helps me propel myself toward the things I wanted to pursue instead of getting lost in all the noise the other messages provide me.

Here were some of my insights as I went through this exercise:

1. If only I took the time to process things as they come, it wouldn’t blow up to 6k emails. To be fair with me, these were years when I had depression. I couldn’t even bring myself to wake up, let alone clean out my emails. Still, doing little bits consistently is extremely helpful.

2. I missed out on good reading materials which were only relevant for a certain time.

3. I missed out on initiatives I started but wasn’.t able to follow through because my inbox was too crowded. It’s not too late, though. Some of those items are still worth going back to.

4. Rubbish taking space in my inbox. Unnecessary information and even emails from people I’d rather not deal with anymore were still there. Now I can finally, officially, digitally say adios!

5. On the flip side, missing out on responding to people who matter, because their messages were again buried in the pile of rubbish that is my inbox

6. Greater appreciation that things come and go. When you read on your history through your emails, you see the different phases of your life in a more zoomed-out view. You can map out the high and low moments you had. I’ve learnt the value of cherishing the beauty of each season. And if you’re in a bad season, know that they change and there is hope for a more beautiful one.

All those insights from weeding out my emails. Whew! Learn from some of my mistakes and organise yours now hehehe!

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 6

8 June 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

It has been a little more than a month since you were born. Those weeks have been really tough for your dad and me. Apart from my recovery and our adjustments to having you, life seemed to have thrown another curve ball, which is the long-awaited settlement of our home.

At the time I’m writing this, we are still in the process of waiting for my Kiwisaver to be processed and our home loan to be approved. I cannot begin to describe how mentally and physically draining these all are.

Somehow, in the midst of these issues, you have been the ray of sunshine who gives me reasons to hope and to continue fighting. Earlier this evening, as your dad and Milo did their normal evening walks, I somehow had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect you, of wanting to give you all the love I can possibly ever give.

I am surprised at how little you are yet how big your effect had been in our lives. I love you, my child. I hope you will grow knowing how loved and valuable you are to us. You have saved me in so many ways, my child. I have no words to describe how, you just did. I will forever be grateful for the gift of you.

Yours forever,

Mum

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Art Practice

Everybody’s Moved… but Me

I was inspired to create similar works from the The Days are Long painting I recently did. I’m honestly motivated to create a series exploring more on my postpartum journey using these skyscapes. And so this second work was born!

I called it Everybody’s Moved… but Me.

This was inspired mainly by my reaction to social media posts I’ve seen of my friends and acquaintances. Since mums of newborns don’t have much of a choice in terms of things to do, it’s easy to turn to one’s phone and scroll our time away. I was active and spent heaps of time outside the house prior to giving birth and so the sudden slow pace really got to me.

Seeing other people go about their normal routines is enough to make me super jealous. It felt like everything was as normal for the world I know and there I was watching everything go by. Everybody seemed to be moving… but me.

With the intention of this being a series, I used skyscapes, yet again, to illustrate this experience. I particularly like the colours I used here and making gradients through oils is such a satisfying experience!