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Art Practice Family Musings

A Spring Surprise

A New Morning

Many of our family’s milestones since we arrived in New Zealand usually happen over the spring season. Someone once told me that spring always brings new life. I did not understand it then, but as the years went by, I eventually understood. Animals are born in spring. New leaves bud in spring. Signs of new beginnings are made more visible in spring.

This gets me excited for this specific season as it comes each year. This year, though, I wasn’t expecting a lot because I felt like I had everything I wanted and needed. Little did I know that one of my recent prayer intentions and persistent worries will come to an end as spring season starts! Rapha is finally offered a spot in kindy!!! An amazing answered prayer!

We were initially contacted by the kindy for a visit because Rapha was nearing the top of their waitlist. We set a date for the visit and went. During our visit, Rapha, once we were on the premises, let go of my hand and dove right in with the other kids to play. I couldn’t peel him off the place once I was done with the visit. One of the teachers and some of the kids had to help me so we could end our visit that day. I knew at that moment, he’s ready for this next adventure.

Once we got home, we immediately received an offer of a spot at that kindy for next term. We were offered a three-day week to start, which was exactly what we wanted. God is good! Another thing crossed off my ticklist!

I am now in the process of preparing things that Rapha will need… and of course, planning what to do with all that free time! I have a wishlist of things I want done, but I will need to manage the time and my expectations at the same time. At the top of my list is my art practice and my swimming sessions—it’s all so exciting! This is such a welcomed spring surprise!

As I picture Rapha being dropped off on his first day, I know he will be fine. I am confident of his growing independence. It won’t be him who cries, I’m 100% sure!

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Art Practice Musings

God’s Everyday Sprinkling of Goodness

All my life, I have been used to recount bad days. It comes easy to me because I can easily make fun of my own misery. These days, however, I find myself becoming more aware of the good days.

In the past week, there have been several occasions where I just knew I was at the right place and the right time. As a change of pace, let me recount the ways God has been good to me.

Rapha has been doing swim classes since he was four months old. Since then, he has gained a lot of confidence in the water. He’s currently doing a level with kids his age but since he has been on the same level for quite a while now, he’s already getting bored of the routine. For his last class, they decided to promote him to the next level! This means he’ll get a more stimulating set of tasks he can sink his teeth into, and that excites me as a mum!

Apart from his swim classes, he only does Kindy Gym once a week, too, which leaves most of his days at home. Being a curious child, Rapha gets bored out of his mind some days. We have been waitlisted at the kindy near our place since he’s 1, but spots haven’t freed up yet. One mum from church mentioned to me that she’s been taking her son to playcentre now and it got me interested. She invited me to the playcentre where they go but I found the drive tiresome, so we went to the one closer to our home.

We just visited playcentre last week, but as soon as we went home, I enrolled Rapha immediately. He had a great day and the mums were very welcoming. It works for both Rapha and me because he gets to learn and socialise while I get to have adult conversations, which have become rare since I became a mum. One mum today was telling me about her and her kids’ routines when she mentioned about the school I was eyeing for Rapha to go to. From my experience waiting for a kindy, I wanted to secure a spot for Rapha the soonest I could, and the information she gave me was really valuable. I then rang the school, and we are now booked for an interview two weeks from now! What blessing!

Not only do I feel blessed in my family life, but I can see God honouring the little steps I take to further my art career.

Last year, one of the goals I’ve set for myself was to enter at least 3 group exhibitions or art awards for 2024. With that goal in mind, I allotted time and created artworks that I can enter. One of the upcoming exhibitions I am entering will be happening at our local museum/gallery, and the organisers were looking for local artists they can feature in their press release. I responded within hours after I received the message because I wouldn’t pass up this opportunity to put my name forward! They then confirmed that I would be included in the feature. My efforts are finally being noticed!

I have not achieved the outcomes in my vision yet, but it’s good to count the good things along the way. I want to commit them to memory because I am 100% sure these conversations and people I meet are not lucky coincidences, but it’s God placing me in the right situations at the right time. It’s a result of me working hand-in-hand with the God I trust will provide for me.

Maybe it’s in my solitude or just my everyday practice of silence, but it made me more sensitive to God’s movement in my life. I hope anyone who reads this may find their everyday sprinkling of God’s goodness, too!

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Art Practice Family Uncategorized

Artist Mum Life: Two Years In

Blue Rose by Sheen Ventenilla-Tungol

With hopeful expectations, I came into motherhood thinking that, by my sheer willpower, nothing will change with my art practice. In my heart of hearts, I even thought I would nail all my roles with flying colours because I am soooooo good at juggling several things at a time.

Two years in, in full humility, I admit that I DID NOT nail all my roles. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I still put in the effort. I would say I do have an art practice. I make something almost everyday. I squeeze art in every single opportunity I get. However, things are not turning out the way I envisioned them to be. I still am not earning from art, not winning any awards, not qualifying for any of the known art shows here in NZ. Maybe it’s the economy, maybe it’s the market saturation of artists these days, or maybe now isn’t just my time yet—whatever the reason, I am not where I thought I’d be a couple years ago.

I am not in despair, though. I have readjusted my expectations of how my current world works. I am focusing on the things I can control.

First item I had to adjust my expectations for was childcare. I thought that when Rapha turns two, all I had to do was to decide to send him to kindy and as long as I was on a waitlist, all will be well. However, all is not well. Kindys are full. Rapha is on the 21st on the waitlist of the kindy which is a couple minutes’ walk from our place. He was on the waitlist since he was one year old. Even the ones which are a 5-10 minute drive ones are unavailable. I was on a limbo for a couple months until I decided I’ll just wait for the kindy near our place and if it never happens, then he’ll stay with me at home and we’ll find ways to make things work.

Second item is my expectation of earning from my art. It has always been the goal even when I didn’t even know what I was specifically selling. These days, I am focused on building a body of work I can stand behind. I do have a good number of artworks now, but I am not happy with them going out into the world yet, so I had to step back and aim to have an established process first and a body of work that I would be proud to show. In saying that, what I do these days is join group exhibits because it takes less work and still gives me an avenue to show some of my work.

With balancing the needs of a child and my art practice, I finally accepted that it is virtually impossible to do both at the same time. Case in point: this is my 5th attempt in 2 weeks to complete this blog entry. I just do not have enough hands for it, so instead of squeezing art during the day, I do it while he naps and once he sleeps at night. The need to watch over him to keep him alive is much more necessary these days because he’s a terrible two indeed.

The future is bright, though, because I have found ways to keep him busy these days. He has different sets of toys, art materials, and musical instruments he can explore during the day. All I need is to make it enjoyable enough for him to explore them independently.

This is all a phase, and until things free up more, I will stay here and enjoy the ride.

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Art Practice Musings

Rejection as Part of a Creative’s Life

Photo by cottonbro CG studio on Pexels.com

As of late, I’ve been using my blog as a form of brain dump site because I am essentially cruising at life at the moment. I love this quiet season because it’s comfortable, but it also encourages the habit of slacking off. To avoid this tendency, I just keep on walking short paces to my next destination by picking up these small bits of thoughts I am having these days and allowing them to simmer and bring some clarity as to where the next destination actually is.

This led me to remembering my most recent conversation with a fellow creative. This friend of mine is a young, talented performance artist. We have quite a different practise, but we are both creatives and we enjoy sharing our experiences in the creative world.

During the course of conversation, rejection was mentioned and we had an interesting sharing of our thoughts about it. One insight and question I had in mind was why this topic isn’t talked much about by creatives. Absolutely no one has told me that rejection will be a part of my lifestyle if I ever choose to pursue a career in art. I’m pretty sure this isn’t exclusive to the arts but at least in my circle, no one talks about how common this is. It came as an absolute surprise to me when I first experienced it.

I wouldn’t say I haven’t experienced rejection in my previous corporate jobs. Proposals and ideas get rejected all the time, but with my art, the rejection felt more personal. I feel like at every turn, rejection is just right around the corner.

You want to show your work? No gallery or venue will just accept your proposal straightaway. Your work must be valuable enough. And once you’ve set everything up, someone at your exhibition will say your work looks too easy, they themselves can create it – so why didn’t they?

You need funding for a project you want to pursue? To qualify, you’d need a track of successful endeavours trailing you as part of the requirements.

My thoughts go back to schools and learning institutions. Why isn’t rejection taught more? Or it may have been taught but my attention was elsewhere, who knows?

I’ve got more questions than answers from my own thoughts, but my friend had a clever idea she encountered on this topic. She introduced me to a concept she has read and watched from this guy Jia Jiang. The book was called Rejection Proof. I haven’t personally read it yet, but the idea was to subject yourself to situations where you’re certain will lead to rejection. She told me he also has a Youtube channel if anyone wants to check it out. The mere suggestion of voluntarily subjecting yourself to these situations sent shivers down my spine.

I aim to read the book one of these days but one key takeaway for me from that concept was to take the risk. There was also an interesting thought from one of the podcasts I usually listen to. The artist said that when your work gets rejected from a specific show, gallery, or award-giving body, it doesn’t mean that your work is rubbish. It may only mean that your work wasn’t apt for the theme they were going for, or that the judges’ tastes doesn’t necessarily align with yours.

As for me, I know that the quality of my art now doesn’t match with the vision I have for it yet, but I will continue showing my work and entering in art awards and shows. I need all the feedback I can get to get to the vision I have for my art.

To you, dear observers and consumers of art, you are definitely entitled to your own opinions, but as much as it is humanly possible, please be respectful to the creatives who are pouring their hearts and souls into the work that they produce.

And to you, my fellow creative, let’s keep pushing forward! One of these days, those rejections will turn around and be a win for us!

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Art Practice Musings

Working Around Limitations

With my art, I love working with limitations, mainly because it grounds me. Limitations help me with art by shifting focus on a number of items and working creatively around them. Though it is useful for my art practice, I do not find limitations in my actual life fun.

As a mum to a very active toddler, I deal with several limitations myself:

Limited Time

These days, I manage to squeeze in more time for art, baking, and cooking. Rapha is more independent with play and exploration. Yet, I still do not have the luxury of long blocks of time as I had pre-motherhood. So what do I do? Adjust. I make quick acrylic paintings because acrylic paint dries easily. I do watercolour paintings because drying of paint on paper takes time and I can always go back to my paints without the fear of them drying out. I do the more intricate drawings at night when my child is fast asleep.

Limited Space

I love painting on canvas and I have a couple of stretcher bars waiting to be used but I do not have enough space to store big canvases at the moment so I chose to work with paper and thin boards right now. I have outgrown my studio space (aka my spare room in the house and a portion of my living room) so while I wait for my studio to be built, I will make art that my studio allows. I dream of doing bigger and freer forms of art but my current space cannot accommodate it but instead of going big, I will go deeper into my practice.

Limited Finances

It is a mutual decision of me and my husband to go single income while our child is in his developing years. We are blessed for him to have a stable job that can provide for us. We live comfortably, but we do not have a lot of surplus. These days, I am learning to use up the supplies and materials I have accumulated during the years when we had a lot of extras (being DINKs for about full four years when we moved to NZ).

We live frugally and save where we can so we can allot money for us to continue with this lifestyle. I am currently not selling my paintings because I do not have time to market them and make a full blown business off of it but I gift them to people who appreciate my art.

As a family, we have things we still pursue. As an individual, I am still holding on to my vision and my dreams and though I am faced with several limitations, I won’t stop moving. My steps may be really really tiny these days but they are steps nevertheless.

I am pretty stretched in this season of my life but every time I see how my son is developing, I remember why we have decided to do this in the first place. He is learning, growing, and thriving and I love that I can contribute to the best start he could ever have as a young person.

I believe that every season is its appointed time and I am soaking in everything that each season has to offer. When things start freeing up and when things are more abundant, I will look at this time with fondness and remember that though limitations are not fun, it can be an ally and spur me to growth.

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Art Practice Family Musings

Chasing the Blues Away

The past few weeks have been really stressful to our family. There are some big ticket items that are still hanging and we’re not quite sure how to proceed. My husband had Covid and I am generally unhappy with the art I have been making.

I saw myself spiralling to old patterns – I’ve been binge shopping again, I had no interest in creating anything, and I have been doing productive but unnecessary housework. I felt no control over things but it’s good that I caught the pattern early on.

Yesterday, I decided to do a general cleaning at home. Every nooks and crannies of our home were dusted, wiped, vacuumed, or steamed. I put my hands on to something I can control and have an immediate good result. I needed to do an actual activity that will take me off my phone to avoid any temptations of online shopping and mindless scrolling. Today, our home is sparkling clean and I can feel I can breathe easier.

Early morning today, I went to the gym and completed my workout. I tidied up the kitchen when I went home and proceeded to write on this blog. I feel so accomplished. I feel like I’ve done some self-care and I am ready to face my frustrations with a different energy this time.

Overcoming mental barriers and even mental health issues takes active participation and I am glad I have learnt my patterns and have discovered ways I can deal with the ebb and flow of my emotions as they come.

If you are in the same position as I was several weeks ago, give yourself permission to do some self-care, however it looks for you.

For me, it’s cleaning my space, writing, exercising, praying, and reflecting. Something might still happen to upset me today but I know now how to somehow chase these blues away.

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Art Practice Musings

Art on Pause While on Sourdough Therapy

I hit a wall with my art for approximately 3 months now. I rarely liked what I have been creating so I decided to take a break. There was a lot of internal pressure to find my own art style and to generate income from it, which absolutely no one else required from me.

My dissatisfaction led me to find something I can get my hands on while I nurse my wounded ego, thus I turned to sourdough. I have tried several times to make my own sourdough starter and sourdough bread from it on and off for several years now but never really succeeded.

Our family loves bread and I have a Type 2 Diabetes I am trying to manage. Sourdough caught my attention because it is a healthier alternative to commercially produced breads. Apart from that, buying gears and kitchen equipment is so therapeutic for me!

I currently have a 3-week old starter housed in a Brod and Taylor Sourdough Home. I have made 4 sourdough discard loaves and a brioche loaf from it. My sourdough discard loaves were wonderful but my brioche was dense, mainly because I substituted the flour required from the recipe hahaha.

Making sourdough starter and bread from it seems to have heaps of rules I need to follow. I love this because in following a specific set of rules, I get the outcome I expect. It is a mix of rules and of continuous adjustment because each sourdough starter is unique. It has helped me be more flexible in terms of expectations and just learning to adjust with the changes needed every time my starter acts up. My starter is a bit more stable now so all the efforts paid off. Now on to my bread making journey!

Having a hobby outside art has been helping me lately. I have been generating ideas for possible projects. Also just realigning my head as to where I want my art journey to go. I hope to regain that freedom to create what I want without expecting too much from it. In the meantime, my creativity is directed towards breadmaking and hopefully, I may get over or better yet, break the wall I hit with my art very, very soon.

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Art Practice Family

My Identity as an Artist

The other day, I was thinking of what I am doing in general with my art practice. I’ve found that if I randomly create without any regard for the message I am putting out, my outputs seem confused and generally flat.

So I thought of identifying my overarching message that I am wanting to communicate or promote in my work. Apart from my identity as an artist mum, I am in the business of breaking chains.

Whether it be in the artworks or in the process of art-making, I am about breaking chains – of neglect, hurts, disappointments, brokenness.

At the time I wrote about this in my journal, my son was wanting to be carried, just because he wants to. I would normally be so annoyed because of the interruption but I welcomed it and wrote what I needed to in phases.

It starts early. I believe that if he grows secure that he is loved and valued, he gets the best start he can get.

This was also the reason why I chose to concentrate on certain mediums and processes that can accommodate these “interruptions” during the day. There’s an overflow of my home studio in every parts of the home so I can still easily get on the creative task when I have the time.

It’s such a sacrifice but the chains I’ve had has impacted me all my life and it’s the least part of my life I want to hand over to my son. Even these blogs are not too cohesive lately because I end it not when I want to but when I need to.

I hope that whatever I am doing in this area of breaking chains may inspire others and hopefully, inspire other parents/ families as well. A loving, healthy, kind, and generous society starts with a loving, healthy, kind, and generous home.

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Art Practice

Solo Show: The Aftermath

While my solo show was ongoing, I kept telling people I might take a 3-month hiatus after everything was done… how I wish I were wrong! Out of exhaustion and the shift to cold weather months, my family members took turns getting sick and here we are after three months!

I didn’t realise how tiring it can be – physically and mentally. But I’ve had three wonderful months to rest and am back now.

While I was on break, I took time to think about the direction I’m headed. I feel like my current skills are not at par with my vision yet and so I decided to focus on areas I really want to improve on.

I tried printmaking, painting, and drawing, experimenting with different mediums while on a break and from there picked on the practice I want to concentrate on.

My goal is to explore and find out what my art style is. I understand finding one’s art style isn’t a linear experience but starting somewhere and finding how I can best express myself would be a good place to start.

I chose drawing and painting – using watercolours, soft pastels, and acrylics for now. I have set up workstations around my home studio to accommodate my deep dive into these mediums.

I chose the media I enjoy working with the most as I think I can learn more by doing what I really like. I’ve talked to a New Zealand artist I really admire and she told me that focusing on a medium allows you to find deeper knowledge and mastery of it. I guess I’m done exploring materials for now and am geared towards getting to know my chosen materials more and experimenting with them.

In saying that, here are my recent explorations. Through these, I’ve found the gaps in my skills and have found my preferred ways of working, too. So I guess I’ll take it from there and push on with my art-ventures!

Oh, and I have finished the transcript for my next book! Just don’t know when I’ll find the time to start illustrating it!

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Art Practice

Through the Looking Glass: Experience and Learnings

It has been a week since Through the Looking Glass Exhibition ended. My experience of my first solo show gave me insights and possible improvements to my next one. It was very exciting to have had this kind of opportunity.

I finished all the paintings in December of 2022 and started applying for venues in January 2023. I was only accepted in March, which gave me less than 2 months of preparation time. Preparation includes framing, preparing for labels, marketing, and distributing marketing materials. Howell helped me out which made this short preparation possible. For next time, I would maybe allot at least half a year for preparations so it doesn’t stress me out.

For the installation of the artworks, I initially planned to hire an installation assistant but the guy I was after was not available for the whole month of May so it was up to Howell and I to hang the paintings in the gallery. Te Auaha lent us a laser level which was a lifesaver for us. As this was the first time we were doing this, it took us quite a while to get it done (approximately 6 hours). One huge difficulty we had was entertaining Rapha during these 6 hours. He is quite a cooperative little bubba so the experience was not too bad. It was just physically taxing helping out with the installation with a baby in tow.

For the next one, I will definitely be hiring an installation assistant, who is more knowledgeable and efficient in doing this type of job.

I did not have to be present at the gallery throughout the exhibition, which was a good deal since I did not have the capability for daily travel to the city. However, I initially wanted to pop by every day, which I found, sooner, was not possible. A few days into the show, I instantly got the flu from exhaustion and so the daily visits became impossible. I also did not foresee the difficulties of eating proper food on time, finding time to continue my exercise routines and having ample time for rest. All these factors compounded had me constantly sick throughout the exhibit so I’d need to be more proactive in preparing for these items next time.

Notwithstanding all these difficulties, we were able to pull things through and it was such a wonderful experience to be seeing people appreciate the work I did. I was able to speak to most of the visitors present during my visits. Most of them particularly liked the stories that came with the paintings. It was also heartwarming seeing friends and family visit. I did not have an opening event this time because I feel unequipped to have one but would be a brilliant idea for next time.

It was a wonderful turnout altogether. I sold 1 oil painting and 2 watercolour paintings – all purchased by friends and family. It was a good first solo show and I am looking forward to my next one.

For now, I will continue improving on my craft, experiment further, and just continue having fun creating!

P.S. If anyone is willing to do maybe a group show would me, I’d be so keen!