My husband and I landed in New Zealand in late 2016. We were initially looking at staying here for five years to earn enough money as a jumpstart to our life back in the Philippines. Since then, we have only come back once in 2018, during the wedding of one of my closest friends from university. The dream of coming back home after five years was crushed by Covid and the contrast of living back home and staying here. We are all, including my son, New Zealand citizens now.
I used to wonder why my in-laws took ten years before they were able to come back to the Philippines after moving here in NZ. It is when I stayed here that I understood it more fully. Almost all the bills and even wage payments here arrive on a fortnightly basis. If you are either renting or paying a mortgage, the expenses never pause even when you are on a holiday.
Some of my friends here are still able to visit the Philippines once in a while, but because of several decisions we’ve made as a family, we are just unable to visit again at this time.
Distance has separated me from the people I have the deepest relationships with. I have missed my sister’s wedding, the birth of her first child, the weddings of my closest friends and the birth of their children, the passing away of the important people in my friends’ lives, them meeting their partners, them establishing careers, and all the “adult” milestones I can think of.
Recently, one of my closest friend’s dad passed away. The event triggered one of the most frustrating things I have continuously experienced since coming here—not having the ability to be present. This friend of mine has witnessed most of the highs and lows of my life as a young adult. Being so far away, the only thing I can do was message him on Facebook. There’s not much I can do. I did not want to disturb him with a call since there are more pressing items he needed to attend to. It was so frustrating having online chats to be the only way to connect to him. If I were back home, I’d probably be instantly knocking at his home, bringing snacks and ice cream, and just sitting silently by his side, as I usually do with my friends who go through tough life moments.
Or maybe I am romanticising the idea of presence in my head. When I left home, we did not have a child yet. My friends did not have as much responsibilities as they have now. Maybe I won’t be as available had I stayed. Still, I find it disheartening only having a screen as a means to connect with people I care about. I miss the banters only face-to-face interactions can bring. I miss just. being. present.
I have kept in contact with my closest friends. I have lost some along the way. Thank God for social media because I can see how their lives are going! Still, if you have once called me a friend, drop me a DM. I do miss conversations in my native language. I do miss the banters. I do miss the stories. I do miss the relationships…
And hey, maybe I cannot visit for now, but maybe you can plan a holiday to NZ! And maybe, just for an afternoon, a coffee to catch up with an old friend…
HandsVentures NZ 