Rapha was being stubborn this morning, which made me blurt out, “Do you want to see an angry Mummy?
To which he replied, “Want to see angry Rapha?”, in a matter-of-fact manner. 🤦♀️
Categories
Tag: mum
Categories
Letters to Raphael – 5
3 May 2022
My Dearest Raphael,
Two days from now, we will get to hold you in our arms. Mummy will have an elective c-section because you will be born in breech position. We are both excited and nervous but we’re more excited than ever. We have waited so long for you, my child.
Your very existence is a gift. I do not know what the future will bring or how difficult things will be for us, but I believe that the joy of having you will be greater than any struggle we will ever have.
You are loved way more than you could ever imagine. I have loved you even before you were ever conceived. Imagine our joy when we found out that you’re already on the way!
I have no words to ever describe what I feel right now but you are one of the Lord’s greatest blessings to us. Hang in there. We’ll see you very soon.
With joyful anticipation,
Your Mum
This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.
Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.
One-Time
Monthly
Yearly
Support the artist.
Make a one-time donation
Support the artist.
Make a monthly donation
Support the artist.
Make a yearly donation
Choose an amount
¤5.00
¤15.00
¤100.00
¤5.00
¤15.00
¤100.00
¤5.00
¤15.00
¤100.00
Or enter a custom amount
¤
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly
My son usually sleeps through to 8AM for the past few months but he has just about changed his routine to include waking up at around 6AM to sleeping again at around 7/7:30AM through to 10AM.
What does this mean for me?
I adjust my painting/ working time based on my son’s schedule because during the day, he just won’t allow me to put him down for more than 30 minutes. I work during his wake times because I can walk around using a baby carrier.
His change in sleep routine means I am free to do anything from 7 to 10AM! What an opportunity! So today, I woke up, had breakfast with my husband, did a second coating of my primer for my new painting, and have now written a blog about this.
A year ago, I’d say you’re dreaming if you have coerced me to do even one of those things in less than an hour!
What I’ve learned, as a mum, is that you squeeze what you can when you can. Any time you have to yourself is golden. Today, I have done the things that bring me joy even before my son wakes up, and it’s exhilarating! I love being productive and it also allows me to take care of him guilt-free during the day. Accomplishing these things take my feelings of guilt for not doing the things I think I’m supposed to be doing instead of being tied down solely to taking care of my bubba.
I love taking care of him but I know that I have to fight for these “free times” for my own mental health and it does feel good to give time the value it deserves.
So whoever you are, whatever you are on to today, I hope you wake up with enthusiasm that you have one of the most valuable resources available to us: time. Use it to bring yourself joy today. Use it to be productive. Use it to make someone else happy. Whatever you do, use it! It is precious and time deserves to be given the value it deserves. Good day!
Categories
Letters to Raphael – 1
This is another series I am launching in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.
Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.
11 November 2021
Dear Baby,
Not sure yet if this is real but I tested posivite twice today – first with an expired pregnancy kit, then second with a kit your dad bought at a supermarket.
You caught us by surprise, you cheeky little bugger. I was just accepting the possibility that I may never have you.
I am honestly anxious – because you see, Mum hasn’t been at her healthiest since we moved here to NZ. I am obese with a recent diabetes diagnosis, even writing it down shrouds me with so much shame.
I do not know if I am capable of raising you. I want you to be healthy but how do I start it when the vessel I’m carrying you with seems so broken?
I have just learned to be selfish and I’d say I quite liked it. You see, I grew up laying my life for other people. I’ve said yes even when people have worn me down.
Your Dad gave me that freedom to say no – when things are already toxic, when people are already disrespecting me, when people take advantage of me.
I’ve focused on my passion: arts. I’m actually in the middle of my studies, my child, and it feels like my life is being taken away from me once again.
Even now, I am sorry for feeling this. I know, in time, I will truly, fully love you because you are God’s gift to us.
For now, I hope you hang in there. I will try my best to mend this broken vessel. Do not be shy to take anything you need from me.
I love you.
One-Time
Monthly
Yearly
Support the author.
Make a one-time donation
Support the author.
Make a monthly donation
Support the author.
Make a yearly donation
Choose an amount
NZ$5.00
NZ$15.00
NZ$100.00
NZ$5.00
NZ$15.00
NZ$100.00
NZ$5.00
NZ$15.00
NZ$100.00
Or enter a custom amount
NZ$
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly
Categories
Finding Mummy-Me-Time
I have had issues with mental health even before becoming a mum so I am proactive to take certain steps to ensure that I have time for self-care. Over the past year, I have learnt of things that calm, comfort, and energise me – that’s eating healthy, swimming, walking outdoors, and making art, to name a few.
I knew even during pregnancy that I have to take deliberate steps to still continue taking care of myself as I enter the crazy busy life of motherhood. It’s a good thing I am blessed with a husband who cares about these things as much as I do.
We’ve nailed down eating healthy with weekly meal preps and having healthy snacks handy at home. With my art, I “steal” quiet times to create. I do sketches which take me about 5 to 10 minutes to create. I draw what I see. I take pictures of the sky, which can be seen through our glass doors, when I see interesting cloud formations and gorgeous sunset views. I do digital art at night when Howell is in charge of caring for Raphael. I write these blogs when Raphael sleeps according to his sleep schedule.
On Fridays, Howell works from home so I can go out and do whatever it is that will make me feel human again. I have a stash of expressed breastmilk so Howell can feed Raphael if he ever gets hungry while I’m out. I usually get about 2-3 hours of alone time. I use this time to swim and do the groceries. Didn’t know how relaxing doing groceries can be until now!
When weather is good, Raphael and I join Howell and Milo for Milo’s everyday walks. It’s just a bit upsetting these days because it’s been raining since autumn almost everyday, but we make sure to go out every single time the sun shines. I hope summer brings heaps of opportunities for more walks with the whole family.
When all these little things are added up, they make a huge contribution to my wellbeing, which directly impacts my capacity to care for Howell, Raphael, and even Milo. I used to think that thinking of yourself as a mother is selfish but really, you cannot pour from an empty vessel. I am able to give because my cup is always filled. Thank God for a loving and caring husband!
HandsVentures NZ 