Tag: baby

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 7

28 June 2022

My dearest Raphael,

I know you’ve been extra clingy the past two weeks because you were sick. Tonight was different, though. You held my face for the first time. You made sure I was beside you just before you slept.

I felt so loved, my child. It’s like my heart is bursting with so much happiness because I simply am your mum. It’s such a privilege to be entrusted with a child like you.

You are compassionate, cooperative, kind, and affectionate. I love seeing you grow.

I might have had doubts about being your mum, but those doubts seem so little now that I am getting to know you more.

I want to stay by your side for as long as I can, my son. You are my treasure. 

May you know and accept how loved you are – by us, your parents, by God, and by so many other people I can not even count.

You still have so much in store for you. For now, sleep well knowing that we are here and God’s angels are watching over you. May you dream wonderful dreams tonight.

Yours forever,

Mum

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 6

8 June 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

It has been a little more than a month since you were born. Those weeks have been really tough for your dad and me. Apart from my recovery and our adjustments to having you, life seemed to have thrown another curve ball, which is the long-awaited settlement of our home.

At the time I’m writing this, we are still in the process of waiting for my Kiwisaver to be processed and our home loan to be approved. I cannot begin to describe how mentally and physically draining these all are.

Somehow, in the midst of these issues, you have been the ray of sunshine who gives me reasons to hope and to continue fighting. Earlier this evening, as your dad and Milo did their normal evening walks, I somehow had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect you, of wanting to give you all the love I can possibly ever give.

I am surprised at how little you are yet how big your effect had been in our lives. I love you, my child. I hope you will grow knowing how loved and valuable you are to us. You have saved me in so many ways, my child. I have no words to describe how, you just did. I will forever be grateful for the gift of you.

Yours forever,

Mum

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Art Practice

Everybody’s Moved… but Me

I was inspired to create similar works from the The Days are Long painting I recently did. I’m honestly motivated to create a series exploring more on my postpartum journey using these skyscapes. And so this second work was born!

I called it Everybody’s Moved… but Me.

This was inspired mainly by my reaction to social media posts I’ve seen of my friends and acquaintances. Since mums of newborns don’t have much of a choice in terms of things to do, it’s easy to turn to one’s phone and scroll our time away. I was active and spent heaps of time outside the house prior to giving birth and so the sudden slow pace really got to me.

Seeing other people go about their normal routines is enough to make me super jealous. It felt like everything was as normal for the world I know and there I was watching everything go by. Everybody seemed to be moving… but me.

With the intention of this being a series, I used skyscapes, yet again, to illustrate this experience. I particularly like the colours I used here and making gradients through oils is such a satisfying experience!

Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 5

3 May 2022

My Dearest Raphael,

Two days from now, we will get to hold you in our arms. Mummy will have an elective c-section because you will be born in breech position. We are both excited and nervous but we’re more excited than ever. We have waited so long for you, my child.

Your very existence is a gift. I do not know what the future will bring or how difficult things will be for us, but I believe that the joy of having you will be greater than any struggle we will ever have.

You are loved way more than you could ever imagine. I have loved you even before you were ever conceived. Imagine our joy when we found out that you’re already on the way!

I have no words to ever describe what I feel right now but you are one of the Lord’s greatest blessings to us. Hang in there. We’ll see you very soon.

With joyful anticipation,

Your Mum

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.

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Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 4

23 February 2022

Dear Raphael,

Ever since I learned of your existence, I’ve been learning so much more about myself, life, your Dad, and where God is in all these. Never have I ever been so unsure of what life will bring until you turned up.

These days, I am learning to live life day by day and to make each of those days count, because they do. Everyday counts, especially if you’re a baby developing in your mother’s womb. What I do, what I eat, what I feel affects you in so many ways and I only want to give what’s best for you at the same time balancing what’s good for me.

Never have I grasped my lack of control until now. No one knows when or how you will arrive and even that drives me nuts, my child. You will be born in a pandemic that truly shocked and changed the whole world and I do not know how to feel about that. We are blessed to be in a country that has plenty of resources and so much support from the government and our greater community – in your parents’ case, mainly the church.

I do not know when or if you will get to meet your grandma and auntie in the Philippines but that is a whole different topic altogether.

In all these, I am learning that I can only turn to the One who has numbered all our days, to the One who has loved you even before you were conceived. He willed you into being and His huge hands and generous love will see us through. Whatever uncertainty the future holds is certain for Him who hold all things together. I hope that even now, you will feel and know and claim that He is there, always has been.

I am very excited to meet you in spite of all my fears. Hang in there, son. Few months more and I will get to have the privilege of holding you in my arms. Even now, you are loved and cherished.

With joyful anticipation,

Your Mum

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.

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Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 3

14 December 2022

It has taken quite a while for me to write to you again. It has been a whirlwind since the day we found out about you.

A team of medical specialists have been taking care of both you and me. Moving to NZ was one of the best decisions we’ve made. We don’t know how it will be if we were in the Philippines because really, your Mummy’s body isn’t the healthiest.

I’ve been anxious the past weeks because the first sonographer who saw you thought you had a cleft lip. I mean I’ll still accept you even now for who you will be or what you will look like but I’m worried it’ll be an unnecessary burden for you as you grow. Anyway, the last scan said you are all clear. You might just have been blowing bubbles in Mummy’s tummy then.

Whatever you become, I hope you find and know and love Jesus the way your Dad and I have. I hope you model your life from Him because it will be the single most important decision you will do in life – everything else will flow from that relationship.

I hope you become the best version of you. I hope to raise you as a discerning, kind, and loving man who will choose to do what is right and noble no matter how difficult. I pray even now that God gives me the grace to forgive you at times that you will hurt me. And just the same, I hope you learn to forgive your Dad and I in times that we hurt you. Forgiveness has been the toughest lesson I had to learn and it has taken so much from my life without me knowing it.

Hang in there, my precious one. I will try my best to be healthy so that you will be, too. I am jumping with joy because you are alive.

With joyful anticipation,

Your Mum

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.

Categories
Family Letters to Raphael

Letters to Raphael – 2

12 November 2021

Dear Baby,

I feel better today. Still getting used to the idea that I am not alone anymore – I have you to think about.

To be honest, I still think the tests are inaccurate, but all my other bodily symptoms and changes tell me otherwise. You are real and I hope to take care of you.

Help me to eat food that you need, because Mum doesn’t have the healthiest taste in food. I just want you to be healthy.

I am challenged by the idea of raising you. I want to give you all the wonderful things life can bring. I want you to grow in love, knowing the warmth of a real home.

I pray, even now, that you get to know God, and love Him deeply, personally. Know that God is real, no matter what circumstances dictate.

I am sorry for bringing you in such a broken world – I hope you’d be a form of light this current darkness needs.

I love you even now. Hang in there.

This is another series I launched in this space. I have written numerous letters to my child in the hopes of giving this to him as a gift someday. These letters also serve as a way for me to pour out my thoughts and emotions during the different stages of my pregnancy and motherhood.

Some letters I might post as an excerpt, some I’d publish unabridged. I hope to give this someday to Raphael and I want to keep some of my private thoughts and wishes, private.