People who have known me for a long time will probably describe me as extroverted. I liked socialising and getting to know people.
However, since we moved to NZ, things have been different. I’m not really sure if it’s the culture, or my age, or if it’s just a growing trend across the world, but I have found it so difficult to make friends now.
I have heard people tell me to just go out there and find my people, but I have found that no matter where I went, my people were nowhere to be found. I have found people, but they always seemed too busy dealing with their own thing.
…And I am pretty sure I am making so many excuses to justify my comfort in isolation.
It has been difficult for me to be vulnerable around people. I have, in recent years, had my trust betrayed by people whom I have let into my heart and my home. It’s a shame that even though I am now surrounded by well-meaning people, I still hesitate opening up and fully letting them in because of this past experience.
But God knows how to meet me where I am…
I still like connections. I like hearing stories of how people live, of how everyone normally goes about their daily lives, and of their adventures. I love hearing how common my emotions and my experiences are.
The past few days, God has been granting me those connections.
My relationship with my in-laws is flourishing, and I love that I have them living near us. There will always be someone we can ask for assistance, recommendations, or food! They are fabulous cooks!
Yesterday, I was able to speak to a few women at church and catch up with how they are doing. I am not great at group settings, and so having the opportunity to speak with people on a one-on-one basis really helps me break some walls around me.
This afternoon, I came across my husband’s workmate/his boss’s wife in the supermarket, and my short conversation with her was so refreshing to me. There was nothing groundbreaking about our conversation, but just catching up with her and hearing their recent adventures brightens my day.
One surprising place I found connection is my group in art school. We meet online once a week and share what we are up to. We’re all ladies in the group, and it’s just so amazing how I am energised by these meetings. It does help that we are all passionate about art, but most of them are mothers, too. It encourages me so much every single time I hear stories from them about how they do life, art, and motherhood. I love hearing their perspective on things related to art and life.
I have been hiding in my shell for quite a while now, and I can’t seem to have the courage to fully venture out into the world of normal human connections, but God met me where I am.
He has been showing me, little by little, that I can trust again. I am slowly seeing that people do care. I may not have the same depth of relationships that I had back home, but I am stepping in the right direction. I can not force relationships, but I can make myself available for small conversations, maybe even friendships.
In the small and big things, I am glad that God meets me where I am. I am glad I do not need to go so far for God’s hand to reach me. He puts people around me to show His love for me. God has been mending my heart, my memories, and my relationships. Soon, maybe not too soon, I will learn to trust again…
HandsVentures NZ 