My story goes way back 2012 when I was first diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I had irregular periods then but that was the only symptom I had until it progressed to weight gain, insulin resistance, and eventually, as the doctors called it, an unexplained infertility.
It really didn’t bother me until we started trying to conceive, which started in 2018. We were already in New Zealand then so I can say I had sufficient healthcare. We were referred to a fertility clinic and we tried 3 rounds of Letrozole but never in any of those rounds did I ovulate. It was about the same time that I got into a major vehicular accident which impaired me in numerous ways. My regular physical activity rapidly declined as I dealt with my injuries and my undiagnosed PTSD from the accident, which then led me to emotional eating. It all spiraled to a point that I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2019.
We had to hold off all efforts in conceiving since I had to bring my blood sugar down to a safe level first so it was from that point on that we started rethinking our lifestyle and revamping ways we are doing things. The urgent things I had to take care of then was pulling myself out from a toxic environment we were in. We were part of a group who completely ignores mental health issues and wouldn’t even want to talk about it as according to them, it should only be discussed with professionals. I didn’t even know what they meant – for me, it meant they didn’t really care what I was going through but I still had to do my “responsibilities” that I committed to in joining the group. I had to continuously be emptied without any promise of being filled.
It was in 2020 that we decided that enough is enough. We left the group and by God’s grace, found a church who would love Howell and I and care for us no matter the situation. It was tough trying to rebuild new relationships as the previous ones were completely severed because of misinformation that were given to the other members of the group. Still, it has helped my mental health tremendously. Toxic people and environments aren’t worth the work to keep.
And because I was then gaining momentum to heal, I also started getting physically active again. If I could remember it right, there were still strict restrictions in place due to Covid so I wasn’t able to get back to the gym but I found good alternatives like walking everyday for at least 45 minutes and doing online dance workouts. Once the restrictions eased, I went back to swimming for about twice a week and continued my everyday walks.
It was also the same year that I started going to art school, where I found my tribe – people who had the very same passions I had: art. No matter the expression, we had the same understanding of how art is special to us – for the first time since we moved, I felt fully embraced and understood.
In 2021, with careful planning and discussion with my ever supportive husband, I took a break from work to fully recuperate. I had a discussion with my employer because I really did not know what I wanted to do, all I knew was that I wanted a break to fully heal. My dear employer was kind and generous enough to give me some hours I can work from home while I rethink how I wanted my career to go in the near future. This also meant I was spending heaps of time alone at home so as thoughtful as my husband is, he decided to give me a dog to keep me company, and boy did it change my life. If you are keen to see more of our daily adventures with Milo, check out our Instagram page.
With my husband’s unconditional love and support, exercise, eating healthy, continuing with my studies, spiritual and emotional support from church, and my sweet Milo by my side all the time, I continued to heal. I started feeling physical improvement around June, which was also reflected in my lab tests that time. I wasn’t thinking of having a baby anymore because the priority was to just heal. I am so blessed to have been given this kind of support by everyone around me. Now here we are, I am currently 20 weeks 5 days pregnant. God has given us a child in His own time, and it is beautiful.
Filling yourself with good and beautiful things physically, mentally, emotionallly, and spiritually will do you wonders, even for someone as complicated and messed up as I am. Reminds me of this beautiful verse in Philippians:
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. -Philippians 4:8-9
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